March 21/11
Day 13 of lent

   So I have a little left over from last night's regrets but I cannot undo or erase any of it. So Jesus could You forgive me for my lack of good judgement and continue to help me learn the greater lessons. I think my dreams reflected my mood and they were a drag to wake up to as well. Sigh. I don't even know what to write.

   Quite a few hours later I have had one epiphany. What I am feeling was exactly like the youth group mess up feeling. Okay so once I realized that it all kinda clicked into place. Just as I need to make judgement calls and be obedient to what You are asking me to do despite any and all emotional issues.  Choosing instead to live only for You and in You. I am also asked to do the same with my family. Sometimes I cave when I just want everyone to be happy / make the situation as comfortable as possible OR sometimes I avoid issues to avoid confrontation. What I choose to do and how I handle myself is just as important at home as in a specific ministry I need to stop being about my own comfort and safety and live in You and in Your freedom. It took watching a movie to catch all that clearly. Curious I know but it equally makes all the sense in the world. In feeling what a character is faced with and going through I often apply it as if it were my own situation I weigh or realize huh that is similar to this. In taking that step back I was able to actually see.

The heaviness is gone but the lesson is not. Thanks Jesus