Jesus I know we don't meet too often these days in words and pictures and that's okay because You are closer than that ... it's like I still have one foot in that place and another in another ... it's a long transition on some levels or at some times. Kind of like watching a friendship drift away, in a healthy way, because the season of help has come and gone. I think in alot of ways I have reconciled it's leaving because of what You've replaced it with but. There it is. I think I have words now. Jesus I want to give up my control of You. Hanging onto where we've been instead of throwing my self , completely, where You are taking me is just that. You aren't really taking Yourself away from me at all.   

   Jesus a friend could use a bit of bench time shall we? You give me that smile that melts me inside as it makes me feel so much a part of You ...You wink as You turn Your head to face our friend. Even without looking I know Your smile beams down on him. We all settle back on the sun warmed bench with a sigh. You put an arm around each of us. It's an interesting thing that happens when I get to 'share' You with someone. I sit here on this bench knowing my yearning and desire for You yet in the presence of another my thoughts cease to be centered around myself. It's curious to try and describe what happens but it is something I recognize... this has happened many times before. It's like being in this place of deep, deep peace while I know You minister to whoever is there. It's like time suspends itself and nothing else matters. I don't feel an anxiousness to be seen or interacted with (how unlike me is that lol) but really I am so content to wait while You love... I even bring up my legs and sit cross legged beside You. I'm just thinking out loud now but it almost feels like I'm a part of You in this ministry time? How does that work? For I know it is all You. Hmmm. Perhaps this thought is still too deep for me to grasp but despite my lack of understanding I still know what I feel. Okay this next thought is almost beyond any sense at all but here it is... while You pour out Your love and Spirit on another... I feel drawn to just love You. Even if it is just sitting contentedly by Your side.  Another thing I know is that I don't feel forgotten by You at all even though Your face is turned towards another. Now I know that is a God thing :) I look down at my hands as I sit and You take Your hand from behind me and let it fall into mine instead. I catch my breath as I let that action speak to me. I study Your hand and feel it's warmth. I trace Your fingers with my own and then intertwine my fingers with Yours and hold tight... I feel Your grip tighten in response and I smile to myself... feeling wave after wave of a contentment that is so deep that it threatens to drown me. I need nothing else. You are my life and source of life.... journal entry...Feb 15 11