Jesus,
I know I need to live in the present
I know I need to remember the context of my existence but not to live in the past or past events (but perhaps in the light of them?)
I know I need to live in the freedom only You can give. Wow. That is what my dream was about isn't it. The past both negative and positive is not where I need to live... I can exist in Your freedom with my eyes for You alone and be richer than any plan I could come up with myself. The past both positive and negative can serve to push me forward into You... In light of Your freedom I will 'see'. I will only really be me when I am looking at You being consumed with Your love and the love that rises up within me for You.

Left to myself, I can use the consequence of my sin as a twisted justification to sin again I can use it to demand (through manipulation) compassion and attention from those that care for me. But that will eat me from inside, the sick taste it leaves in my mouth, the emptiness that the cavern of selfishness leaves behind in my soul makes me cringe just thinking of it.
...journal entry Feb 15/11...

Dearest Reader,  I had a most bizarre dream that stayed with me for a few days and it was so interesting how this journal ended up putting into words what I should learn from it.  I don't know if it matters what the dream was but if you are interested in hearing about it let me know.