Day 2 of lent

   ...journal entry March 10/11

   Morning Jesus, so it's day two of lent... so much happened or didn't happen yesterday. Being completely shut down with that headache was wow. Couple of things I tried to remember ... despite circumstance I want to have my focus on You and what You require... that it's okay to pray for better circumstances but that doesn't allow for whining and the spirit of entitlement. I also, in the darkening of yesterday, asked You for something... and I still want to ask that today. Jesus it seems You are making it pretty clear that my need to look at what is actually within is crucial in stepping into You. The only way my focus, my desires become in step with Yours is to face and deal with, as You ask, the struggle within. Now I do not want to get into any theology here, I am living in You as a new man but I know the struggle that is warring between the craver and I and will continue to until I get to the end of my time here. So again I just want to ask, Jesus, please help me not care more for comfort or good management than for an absolute desire and hunger for You and working the working out of Holiness. Thanks.

   So Jesus You have definitely taken care of the physical today. My truck sits loaded and ready to deliver. My chores are done. My headache hasn't surfaced. And delightfully I have an hour to spend with You :) love that.

    Where are we Jesus? It feels like a long time since I've asked that. You are my cup of comfort this morning. How about I knock on Your door and wait for You to answer? I knock with enthusiasm and confidence. The smile that plays on my lips betray my thoughts of anticipation. The heavy door swings inwards and there You are. Would You like to join me Jesus? I hold out my hand and wait.. watching what crosses Your face. You seem as delighted as I feel. You grab my hand and step down the two steps but then in one fluid motion You swing around and swoop me up into Your arms holding me tight as we laugh and then breathe one another in. So gently You put me back on my feet and we rejoin hands and start walking You are excited when You point out the amazing sunrise and our senses soak in the details of a new day... the crisp bite of the air, the clear call of a chickadee, the light playing with color as it hits the ordinary and transforms it. We are walking up a path and although it is going somewhere there are just so many places along the way that call us to pause and see. To share and reveal what we are feeling and know. I think one of the most beautiful sounds is Your laughter ... what it invokes within myself is so deep. When I join in with You it is more of a soul laughter ... one of real freedom and how good that feels. Does it matter if no one ever understands you, really? In looking into Your eyes it really doesn't because if they do it'll be because You wanted to speak to them through me. If I give my whole self over to You there is no other motive left and because all I am is revolving and soaking in You... all the results do too. I don't have to be concerned with that anymore. Yes I will feel for what I am apart of and what I see what I witness and You will undoubtedly use that to call me in directions You want me to go. No Jesus, I don't care if I am ever understood by anyone as long as I KNOW You and that You understand all of me. You will (have to) become more than my cup of comfort lol. Our laughter seems to ring out so clear and far. Can I have a piggyback ride? Always you say with a chuckle. I jump up and we set off.