Journal entry March 8/11...

Jesus so this is the last day before lent starts. What do You want me to let go of for 40 days?

   What have You been up to lately Jesus? Mostly trying to woo those I love closer to Me. Yah. Being willing to endure pain and loss and hurt for the time it takes till things are put right and more right than they ever could be any other way. The dark does serve a purpose doesn't it. Yes and ultimately to prove the light... even testify to it. What of the demons what of Satan? You created them as much as You created us and this world. Yes and if you deal with them (as with everything else) in the light of my power and freedom they serve to bring glory to My Name as well. For there is nothing more powerful than Me and having that proved over and over does what? So really is there anything you need to fear? I was going to say only being separated from You... but You have promised to not let go of me. But Jesus what of those that seem to lose You?  Does it not always really come down to what is inside their souls? What battle is going on in there? The war waged in the physical and spiritual realms although they come out as man against man or religion against beliefs but really is it? Although that vehicle is used even the arguments between brother and sister come from struggles within each one's soul. The battles that rage within each of you. What truth do you know? What lie have you believed? What fear lurks there and why? What lack of fear lives there and what is it proclaiming?

    How often will you take the time to look deep in your soul and challenge what has become rooted there... with no outside circumstance to push you to do it? How often do you weigh what you've allowed to live inside? If you are managing life and even if it becomes uncomfortable how long is it before you stop to listen to my voice, my Spirit leading you to see... your reaction of just trying harder to handle and control things is a powerful force that you've depended on or rather used most of your existence... but I am here to challenge that response. In challenging that response, I challenge everything about you. I challenge why you do what you do... and is that really working? I ask question after question so if you really do claim to believe that I AM well how are you living that proves that? What is the dominant emotion you live with daily?  Really? Is there an unanswered question inside you that you can never seem to reach the end of? Well why is that? Is there a unbalance of head knowledge and heart knowledge that creates a persistant unsettledness. And how does the voice of the craver (old self) manage to continually nag at it so that you are not willing to even try to settle it? How can what you claim to believe really be what you believe if you are too scared to live it?

    Then a perceived time of darkness comes. In a variety of forms. It pushes you to do something. Even if to only look.

    Okay so as I sit here is this maybe what You're saying to my lent question? Do you want me to let go of what represents my comfort things and commit to spend time daily to hearing You and speaking as You ask of me? What are my comfort things? Well coffee and my coffee milk. That seems so lame. Not enough of a sacrifice. Maybe it's not about what you're giving up but what you are committing to do. That is a hard thing because I know it I am totally unable to do it. I already know my own resolve will fail within the first week... so this lent time will be fulfilled only in the power of Your Spirit. So will this fulfill the purpose of lent? Let's see... depending upon Me to accomplish something which on the flip side means you are not depending on yourself... hmmm yup. And how about this for the bonus... letting Me become your comfort thing. Your treat. :)