There is a difference

March 7/12  Journal entry.

   I know I haven't been here forever Jesus.

   It's like everything came to a screeching halt... I didn't know what to blog and then I didn't journal.  Then life, in the physical sense, went way off the normal grid of usual'ness'. Between surprise surgery, sickness and a roll over... the last two weeks have been interesting to say the least.

   Jesus, I am glad I am here... the longer I write the more I feel that joy rising up, at just taking the time to meet with You this way. You make me smile.  Oh and that lesson of experiencing the desire to intercede for the one causing me injury was absolutely brilliant and life changing.. really. I have experienced the effects of it still, in this week of intermittent stress and annoyance lol.
Thanks Jesus for meeting me in so many ways despite the lack of typing.

   If we meet right now ... hahaha... sounds good! Hahahaha... and we dance, laughing but holding each other very close. Being this close to You makes me realize that I haven't felt really like myself for a while... the me in You that is really free and really joyful way deep down... I have been busy managing and even though You have been there without doubt, there is a decided difference between experiencing the surety of Your presence and Your stepping into my life and my coming to You just to be with You. To love You. To look at You.

   To find myself in You... it is like stepping out of a closet dimly lit into an open field under a big sky of promise and delight... to realize I am Yours and what that means. The smothering coats and layers are not only not necessary but end up hiding the real me.
 Keep stepping out Tam. Keep stepping into Me.
Yes. What better way to put real perspective into my life than to pause, look up into Your eyes and reach up and touch Your face? That is what speaks to my very core and an immediate fruit springs forth. Okay I don't think I got that out quite right... experiencing You situationally is powerful and helps me understand and change behaviour and attitudes etc but meeting with You is like becoming the real me again... just free and full of love for You. So it isn't words and wisdom and the like it is clearing up the (base) of where all that comes out of... lol okay maybe not much clearer...

   Jesus let us meet on the bench?  My friend is needing You and I just want to pray while You two talk... please break down for him the stuff that is really only distraction. Help him weigh out the core of the issue he is grappling with. Let Your voice ring out strong Jesus, please Lord rescue us... God help us... I humbly ask for my friend. Jesus I know You are the master question asker... could You lead him with some questions of Your own? But at the same time I ask that You very much protect him from the damage of lies... doubt... unworthiness... fear... discouragement... let him instead feel Your presence in a peace... a desire to press through... an endurance... the strength of patience let all this kick into high for him.