on the roof part two

March 27/12... journal entry continued...

   Jesus it is still the 27th but I have probably 2 min to write and I didn't want to pass it up.
   It is hard to put into an image what the mind sees or what the heart feels. It makes so much sense inside but expressing it is a whole other thing. It's frustrating because it is never good enough or accurate or hmmm.
 
   We are still on the roof but it is much later in the day.  I am committed to sitting here as long as You want which translated probably more accurately means until I am ready for what You have for me. lol. I realize my attitude is somber but I don't think that is bad... it just is. I am looking forward to the nothingness of sleep but I guess that is wrong too... my dreams have been so dark. Jesus I guess I really wanted to look again into Your face to make sure I am okay. No one or nothing reminds me of who I really am but You. You really are all that matters.  Of course you are alright... I never leave You, ever. 
I really meant what I was praying this afternoon, about how I want to be enamoured with You always, anticipating meeting with You, unable to get You off my mind, having my whole world colored because of being with You. There is a sweetness in living for a time where I must choose You without seeing You. For when I am finally in Your full presence there would be no choice left but to adore You so completely and be filled with the want to worship You always. I know I grasped this thought a long time ago but I need to dwell on it again. The sweetness of and absolute heart wrenching ache (on both sides) of this relationship. Of course Your pain is more acute, for You know all things and the patience with which You wait continues to boggle my mind. I am so fickle while You are just so true and faithful. 
   Oh!  That brings to mind a moment from yesterday while putting on my socks lol.  I had a brief moment of clarity in which the image of my thoughts were never so clearly as similar as to what a parable is like.  Where if I ever had to watch the one I love leave I would want one thing to be without question and it would be my love for him. But also that desire of him... to remain true. And in that moment of seeing, feeling and thoughts playing out, I thought of You. You so want us to be true to You. You say it over and over and over. In command and in sweet alluring words. Love Me only, Love Me only, come back and Love Me only.  You so often relate us as Your bride, who sadly has  so often been unfaithful,  adulterous, and there is consequence to it but You just keep loving us... calling to us...