I hear You

Hey Jesus... I heard You. 

   Not just today but I heard You yesterday too. It just seems to take a while to get all the way into my heart and mind. Not sure why. Perhaps I will get better at the processing time as we go along hahaha.     There are no more bottles to throw but I recognize something else in light of where I have been...

  I have to relearn how to live. 

Ha... no small task there. And there is no option in how to look at it either... only through Your eyes and with Your heart... and any result is due You and Your Sweet Holy Spirit. This is the positive or opposite flip side to dying to self. How many times have I stressed how important it is to look at a teaching from both sides even when only one side is presented.

Oh yeah... it is April 24/12...

   The absolute weight of what I felt on my soul ... the lost bumbling about with nothing to fit, that logically should have... I now see the potential that perhaps, that was a time where I need to be on my face asking You to come alive in me... to fill me up to overflowing... with what instead should be my very purpose in living at all. If I am to die to self and continually to the echos of self, there is also a very real need for it to be filled with not just a mental assent to who You are but a challenge, a dare to act out the life truly lived in Your Spirit. Now I am not saying I haven't been taking steps towards this (as who can not with even the initial encounter with You!) but You are a restless God... wild and free... demanding??? holiness (loving You with all our hearts and souls and minds and strength) Which in itself literally screams the necessity of change and what is that... except a stepping out of our known places. Not into unsafe places... not places wrought with fear and danger... but into Your places, places of Your Spirit that are presently unknown to us. Places that don't ask us to bring anything but our love for You... in fact, places that don't allow us to stay with baggage even if it is just a small carry on!  So these places are where we get to know what we are to do, this is where the new man truly comes to life. The You in us. Where we get to be fully human (as You intended) not less than human (corruption of our old self under bondage to sin and death) I am starting to recognize how lessons from You may sound so repetitive but mean so much more even just one layer deeper. When we apply new knowledge to our lives the exponentially sharper effect on the learning curve is astounding. My words my never be able to convey the absolute depth of havoc and then pain of learning that each layer of the same lesson teaches me but the absolute thrill of feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit working and changing me is nothing I can ever reproduce myself. There is just so much to learn, let me never be arrogant thinking I've got it cause I don't... can we ever attain all of who God is?  It is ridiculous even to say it! Yet are we not saying that exact thing when we take what we have been given, taught or shown and refuse any more?

   If I step back right now and re look at where I have been and what I now see it as... I wonder inside if this is just one more prod to speak... if I am going to be out in the left field of You, daring to try even if I fall on my face... then I want to err on doing instead of not doing.  I am tired of just thinking, I want to apply.