Realizations on the roof

March 28/12  Journal entry.

     I have to say I recognized myself in 2 Samuel 14 today... in the crazy actions of David really. He longed for his son Absolom and yet would not let him return to Jerusalem because of his murder of Amnon. YET when put in a different light he recognized the logic of action in allowing the son who had murdered to not only live but to be at home. So he allows Absolom back to the city BUT not into his presence. Two years later... Absolom figures out a way to see his Dad...
   And I was brought up short in the brokenness of their relationship, that reeled in the struggle between mind and heart.

   My point in bringing all this up is because I identify with the inability to act properly even when logically/mentally I have reconciled what the outcome should be and why (Your way). What a curious and damaging thing it becomes when it no longer matters what you have decided inside (which springs from You and wanting what is right and to be reconciled... to love as You do without condition) but it is the message of what the actions are saying that is the only thing that will be heard, and without doubt, it will cause wounding and damage (as our flesh mets out judgement and punishment - whether out of our own hurt or sense of what is right... fleshly). Anyways I recognized that today.

    However... You are stronger, than our flesh. But acting in obedience only half way is, I worry, more damaging than not obeying at all. Abba Father please forgive me holding onto my stubborn ways and disobedience to be fully submitted to You. Please Father help me surrender all day today to Your Holy Spirit... today and always. Holy Holy Holy.

...so Jesus as we sit on this roof top this morning watching the sun rise I feel much closer to You (as in, friend to friend) I don't feel the pressure of guilt or the guardedness of regret instead I feel free to babble on, spilling out my heart to You. My silly thoughts and wonderings. I feel like laughing a lot more. How are You this morning? 
Delighted and pleased. Excited to move ahead and into things with you. I talk about you all the time with Abba and to have you want to be in a place where we move as one is like a high. It is times like this that makes Me relish in our Plan of redemption. 
Tell me more.
I have waited for you. In many ways... before you were here, while you were here, the times of waiting for you to return to Me, or to hear Me... without a filter. I have waited for you. To let the times of learning and experience build up, together speaking a truth that you are accepting in some ways only now. I have waited for you. To know Me. To love Me. To love Me above all things, expectations, desires and others... even above yourself.
While You spoke we leaned in close together... as if soaking up our exchange not only in words but in other ways too... You jump up after sharing and give a big old whoop into the expanse of the heavens... I laugh from way down deep and lay back on the roof stretching my arms out as if to hug the sky and all that has been declared.