upping the ante and reflections with Jesus (day 12 of fast)

July 31/12  Journal.

   So my Jesus I am most convinced today of Your further carrying me in my stepping out in fasting. It is crazy true. I have no need to fear, You take care of me even when it makes no sense in my logical mind /human reasoning. How else do I explain the sense of no worry or fretting in my abstinence and even when it is meal time there is no ferocious hunger.  It made me wonder tonight if I couldn't up the ante even more. Running now is just me experiencing You taking care of me physically. And I love it. I love being with You in it. And this does touch things everywhere in my thoughts... I have yet to experience it but I anticipate it with delight.

   So what's up with You... tell me all and anything You wish! We sit in our Adirondack chairs but I lean towards You awaiting what You have to say. You laugh out loud and shake Your head with pleasure.  You are one of a kind. I feel my face light up at Your words. I love You. Leaning back You comfortably put Your hand out towards me which I gratefully place mine into. There are so many kinds of adventures and roads but they all serve to build this... You squeeze my hand. Things are accomplished but not without this as it's base and reason. You look intently into my eyes, I want you to stay close. I nod. Your eyes crinkle as You smile and You then lean Your head back on the chair closing Your eyes but not letting go of my hand. 
You may want me to but I need to.
Hmmm. Go ahead and ask... it's not like I can't hear You. You chuckle ever so quietly. 
Well I was just thinking about how do I maintain this closeness when I am not fasting but I think You are answering me in my head as I am asking...lol...
Is it fasting that makes us close? 
No. It is what is learned during this time.
Fasting isn't magic or the how to, it is only used as a vehicle... or as a door to open up more. In itself it is nothing.
But it can change my life can't it? 
Well yes in the way that it can shift your paradigms and raise up new habits or decisions that mold your days instead of continuing in your previous ways. 
This may sound weird but what if I want to fast as a way of life?
Well this can happen in the sense that You start to live more and more surrendered to Me. Giving up things for me becomes the default instead of the concentrated occasional effort. Letting yourself be changed by KNOWING Me and always seeking that... and your life becomes one of worship to Me.. to Me alone. Sound familiar?
Yes. 
Surrender holds hands with Dependence. I put my head down and lay my cheek against Your hand, You are all I want Jesus... I feel You put Your other hand on the top of my head so gently.
Little One you are mine. 
We stay here all night, I fall asleep with my head on Your lap.