Journal entry Sept. 6/10

 Morning Jesus thanks so much for the Scriptures yesterday... I know that they were the right ones :) May Your Hand and Your power reach out and touch us all... moving us to You as a body.
   I am so intrigued with the message You sent to me through Glenn. It excites me to no end, on one hand, because it affirms to me that You have a specific purpose for me.... not just a general one but a place for me to be. Wow. (I don't know if you, Reader, understand what I am feeling but there are so many things in our walk that we all strive to and work towards and in general share a common purpose in carrying out and that is excellent and right but to have the knowledge that there is purpose for me as an individual too BUT as part of a whole makes me feel wildly loved) So Jesus I want to ask everyday that You'd give me Your eyes and heart. I cannot possibly, of course, carry out Your desire for me on my own AT ALL. But that is the delightful part isn't it ... it requires us to always be together united sharing ... YES! I love that!

   Jesus I want to spend some time with You right now to prepare me for this day... We are sitting on the edge of a cliff. It is early in the morning and there is still alot of mist and clouds covering what is beneath us but only in patches as it is moving on unseen breezes with a stealthy ease. We are covered in the morning sun, however, and I am glad. Our feet swing in the nothingness and it makes me chuckle to see them. No fear is present. As we gaze out together it is like watching the world wake up. Little things at first and then sweeping changes in mood and color and thus time. I want to ask what am I to see here with You ... but it doesn't feel like the right question. I want you to practice seeing... sometimes it needs to be big and sweeping and sometimes it needs to be noting the small 'worldly insignificant' things. You smile and I feel it throughout my whole soul. My smile beams back at You, returning what You seem to pour into me with just a look. I bring my knees up and hug them as I again look out again to soak up what I see. I see promise. A turning over that means change but hope. I move over to You sitting on Your lap and leaning back against Your chest... Jesus what were all those little birds sitting on the low branches and on the ground in front of me in my dream last night? And why could I just pick them up putting them on branches... moving them? Why did some fall between the branches to the ground again? I only remember one not wanting me to move it but I think I did in the end. And that horrifically beautiful hawk waiting just waiting with it's wings ready to swoop down and snatch them up... that was horrible but I only saw the swoop down and then the sight was gone. They felt helpless didn't they, the little birds. Yes. And it was startling at first, unsettling, but it didn't stop me from touching them.  I have to say I felt so clumsy and ill prepared when they fell to the ground again, like I needed to learn what I was suppose to do. There were just so many of them. Yes there were. Were they people? Hmmm. I feel Your answer more than I hear it... the sound coming from Your chest like a low hum. What's happening? Exactly what you are seeing... a renewing of day that is change but it is change filled with hope and purpose. Okay. I am so relieved to be on Your lap right now because I feel if I was anywhere else I would be afraid. When I feel this way I remember when I went from Your embrace into what was like sinking right into Your chest... and into Your heart I was so safe there. Then I got to see what You were seeing. I am not letting go of you Tam... I don't want to. You make me weep in relief and in the face of Your love I am so humbled and broken and yet so wanting of it to never leave me.... Your words are always just right. I love You Jesus. I wipe my tears away and look down beside us... there is the tiniest of flowers amidst the rock and moss of this mountain and it is beautiful. It is blue and even though it is so slender and frail looking, look where it has grown. huh.