Journal entry Sept. 3/10

   Jesus I am here and hungering again for You.

   We hold hands as we walk along the forest path. It is cool out and the breeze reminds us of seasons passing and coming. I had a thought Jesus. I know You hunger and ache to be with Your bride... and Your bride, although so flighty, at times grasps the revelation of understanding and is filled with such a deep want of You and You alone. I know that time is not for us to contend with but I cannot help but think about the wait You are enduring till we are with You.  As well as the weight of that ache that You shoulder and have carried for so long.  It hurts my heart to think that You are so near and yet we are not what we will become nor what we need to become to fully be with You. This makes me turn to You and I reach up with my hands.  I hold Your face and look deep in Your eyes and say... soon. Our eyes fill with tears and hearts with words to many to be spoken but we relish together the sharing of this thought and weight. You lift me up and we spin around, laughing. I spread out my arms and look up at the treetops spinning around. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply.
   When I open them up we are sitting on a rock. For a long time no word is spoken; I turn to You... If I just spend my time here being with You is that alright? Yes it is cause everything will flow out of that. Your smile is just so .... full of emotion. I am just so sorry Jesus when I hurt You and make You feel lonely. I mean that in the small realm of me and in the hard to comprehend huge sense of Your body, the bride. We want You, You know. I can not help but laugh (sadly) at the absurity and irony of so much that happens.
   You stand up and reach for me. We continue to walk. I wonder if my life will ever tell a story that will help save someone? Purposefully You look down into my face and give me a wink and a smile as You squeeze my hand. You know... I know what you are thinking and feeling and even though you laugh at yourself when you see how easily you want so much and desire to do significant things .... you can never outdream Me. What I want for You and I are beyond what you'd even allow yourself to think. What I desire for your life is on such a grand scale that it dwarfs what feels like, for you here, such a long long time with so many unknowns. You can so trust Me with dreams and desires and wants... I will fill you in such a better and perfect way... I love you and I want you too. One day we will sit together and look back at a masterpiece painted by My Hand. I think I am slowly learning to be closer to You Jesus I'm not sure why that brings tears to my eyes except that I think about what I have missed and most likely still will at times and I think how? ... seriously. However the tears are also such a deep gratitude of wonder at what You do ... what You are so willing to do...  in each of our lives. hmmmm. You make me feel so good within. You are crazy good. I love You.