Journal entry Sept 16/10
So I was on quite a high yesterday... you are so cool. And it's not that anything of consequence happened I just felt You and it flooded me with such joy.
Wanna meet? My thoughts go to the building again and I hesitate in front of it. Is it just because I cannot fathom what is inside? Your hand is on the doorknob... I smile at You ... this is so crazy... I cannot help but laugh out loud. Shrugging my shoulders, I watch as You turn the handle and push the door inwards. You step in with the door and reach behind Yourself as you step catching my hand and pulling me forward with You. All I see is darkness at first but there is no fear here... none. We walk down a hallway that is now dimly lit by a room at the end of it. My fingers touch and trail along the wall as we walk. The floor is an old, worn wooden floor and the sound of our feet on it (hang on I thought we had shoes on at first but we are barefoot) ... the floor only gives away our presence by occasional creaks and groans in the memory of thousands of steps taken here. The darkness when we entered was of deep purpose. It eases all anxiety of those entering in... like a blanket thrown over one's shoulders which says you are welcome here just as you are... come be heard, come be safe. The light at the end of this hallway beckons us out of the darkness into a warmth of being present; where you feel that you've been waited for... not for what you have or bring ... just for you, your presence. I turn my head to see where we are headed and I catch You glance back with a smile. We step out of the hallway into a room that at first feels small and comfortable but is strangely large... almost like it can absorb any number of people who and when they arrive. There is a fire burning in the fireplace I see two chairs on either side of it and think it will just be You and I but those chairs are part of a greater circle. I glance around at the people sitting around the room and receive smiles and expressions of excitement and anticipation. I see You, Jesus, in these faces and I chuckle as my eyes come back to You. It is bizarre to grasp the intimacy that this group obviously shares. Jesus, I am suddenly filled with such a burden and desire to touch each one and pray for their protection and safety. I am filled with love for each one here and I can see that it being reflected back in their faces.
We sit around in this circle, most of us, on the edge of our seats eagerly listening and sharing and connecting. There is laughter at the sheer abundance of Your greatness... this love that we share ... it is You. All our senses soak it up... just breathing in gives such a deep contentment that spreads throughout and it cannot be helped but to pour and radiate back out to all in this circle.
Every now and again we hear someone coming down the hallway and into the room, at first with eyes only for You but then looking and seeing us all here. Their expression says so much and there is always another chair, just ready. The conversation and sharing never seems to be interrupted, each one is absorbed in as if they've been there all along, they join in with an ease that is again ... You. I don't know how many are in this circle but it's never too big. I look over at You at one point and see such a look on Your face. You return my look and then, for a moment, close Your eyes smiling in such a deep satisfaction... You rest Your head back on the chair... letting out a deep breath. When You open Your eyes they flash with delight and love and mischievousness?? at the brilliance of Your ways and plans. Lol. You make me happy way down deep Jesus. There is more to this building isn't there. Hmmm.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Dearest Reader,
I'm so glad you are here... welcome. Pull up a chair, grab a hot drink and join Jesus and I.
Journal entry Sept 13/10
Morning Jesus, I just realized I meant to look in Your Book before coming here this morning, opps. I would love to talk to You about the whole word leadership that I've heard come up this weekend. Huh. And I want to get more from You about the whole Sunday thing. I think, though, that I want to first thank You so deeply for yesterday morning, that was the coolest ... a meeting, a lesson, an understanding huh.
Where would You want to meet this morning Jesus? Oh cool... we are outside of the building. We are across the street from it, in it's shadow, sitting on a park bench. That's something to note. There are two park benches, kind of on angles, on the wide sidewalk. The street lamps that line the street are an old fashioned kind that leaves the wanderer of these streets with a pretty cool feeling. There are also two trees growing here, they are still pretty young but beautiful... lots of leaves yet thin enough to let the dappled light play on the sidewalk. We seem to do alot of the sitting and thinking or just sitting and being together. I've come to relish these times. I suppose if I had to put it into words it feels like alot of things. It feels like loving ... it feels like preparation or the opposite letting what has happened sink in... it often feels like we are talking even though it isn't with words or is with very limited action, kind of like... hmmm... soul talking? Which I've come to feel at different times (or recognize). Dear Reader... remember when I saw myself talking and being with Jesus but I didn't know what we were talking about and that stumped me for a moment but then I caught it we do that alot .. it's like our souls often talk out of that deep need and want to be together and it doesn't always require my conscious mind to put words to it. What would it look like to see it? It would be... two people, enamoured with one another, that talk about everything and want to know and experience everything that the other has... their dreams, plans, wonderings and revelation of the dark and sad places, the struggles, the failures... but also the victories, the things learned and dreams borne of that ... it is the desire to connect so deeply and never be separated but only bound tighter by it all... love, pain, understanding, delight, laughter, wonder and the continual experience of a closeness that is never sated.
I'm so glad you are here... welcome. Pull up a chair, grab a hot drink and join Jesus and I.
Journal entry Sept 13/10
Morning Jesus, I just realized I meant to look in Your Book before coming here this morning, opps. I would love to talk to You about the whole word leadership that I've heard come up this weekend. Huh. And I want to get more from You about the whole Sunday thing. I think, though, that I want to first thank You so deeply for yesterday morning, that was the coolest ... a meeting, a lesson, an understanding huh.
Where would You want to meet this morning Jesus? Oh cool... we are outside of the building. We are across the street from it, in it's shadow, sitting on a park bench. That's something to note. There are two park benches, kind of on angles, on the wide sidewalk. The street lamps that line the street are an old fashioned kind that leaves the wanderer of these streets with a pretty cool feeling. There are also two trees growing here, they are still pretty young but beautiful... lots of leaves yet thin enough to let the dappled light play on the sidewalk. We seem to do alot of the sitting and thinking or just sitting and being together. I've come to relish these times. I suppose if I had to put it into words it feels like alot of things. It feels like loving ... it feels like preparation or the opposite letting what has happened sink in... it often feels like we are talking even though it isn't with words or is with very limited action, kind of like... hmmm... soul talking? Which I've come to feel at different times (or recognize). Dear Reader... remember when I saw myself talking and being with Jesus but I didn't know what we were talking about and that stumped me for a moment but then I caught it we do that alot .. it's like our souls often talk out of that deep need and want to be together and it doesn't always require my conscious mind to put words to it. What would it look like to see it? It would be... two people, enamoured with one another, that talk about everything and want to know and experience everything that the other has... their dreams, plans, wonderings and revelation of the dark and sad places, the struggles, the failures... but also the victories, the things learned and dreams borne of that ... it is the desire to connect so deeply and never be separated but only bound tighter by it all... love, pain, understanding, delight, laughter, wonder and the continual experience of a closeness that is never sated.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Journal entry Sept. 12/ 10.
Jesus it is Sunday morning and I am wondering why do I wake up nervous every Sunday? Is it just a very good reminder to put it squarely in Your hands? Jesus I want Your Words to be spoken, I want to give all that I am to serve and love You out loud.
Can we quickly meet before I go out and face the big world?
We seem to be back on the mountain.... looking over the cliff and I am sitting on Your lap resting back against You. Even though the air is crisp with newness there is no discomfort. It actually just makes things more exciting. I take time to look at Your hand that has held mine so many times. Your hand is big and strong .... it's a hand that has handled everything. And well. You hang onto us for impossibly long times when we are lost and unable. You soothe and wipe away tears with a touch. You connect with us in laughter and delight and release. You are so fun. You are so real. You send me to my knees in awe and thankfulness and love from a deeply humbled heart. My time slips away and I will have to get ready soon.
Jesus I'm back I have no where I want to be but here. Hey is there anyone who needs to be here with us?
Okay that's cool... lol... The man from the village. The first man we prayed for; he has a pretty big smile on his face. He's just gotten here from an early morning climb :) huh. He makes me want to laugh out loud in delight. He looks pretty satisfied as he sits looking over the cliff and into the expanse stretched out in front of us. Does he see us? I get the feeling he doesn't ... weird. I like being near him.... hang on... it's You in him... NICE! He looks over as if overhearing my thoughts and gives me a wink. This is all apart of my learning to see isn't it. I get up and walk over and sit on the opposite side of him ... now it is the three of us You, him and me side by side. I'm really close to You aren't I... even over here. lol. What I mean is when I am anywhere and I look and love and desire to serve the one You send my way I am going to be really close to You. You will be in that person, I just need to see it. And when I catch that vision I will catch something deeper. I will catch perspective, desire and purpose, I will catch that the You in him wants to be as free as possible to love and minister and heal and give life to the one You are in and to shine out of and to work through... You don't want to be left as "unreachable", You don't want to be given up on, ... what we do to the least of these we do unto You. Huh that makes reaching out a whole lot less scary cause You are already there and I know (basically :) what You want.
Jesus it is Sunday morning and I am wondering why do I wake up nervous every Sunday? Is it just a very good reminder to put it squarely in Your hands? Jesus I want Your Words to be spoken, I want to give all that I am to serve and love You out loud.
Can we quickly meet before I go out and face the big world?
We seem to be back on the mountain.... looking over the cliff and I am sitting on Your lap resting back against You. Even though the air is crisp with newness there is no discomfort. It actually just makes things more exciting. I take time to look at Your hand that has held mine so many times. Your hand is big and strong .... it's a hand that has handled everything. And well. You hang onto us for impossibly long times when we are lost and unable. You soothe and wipe away tears with a touch. You connect with us in laughter and delight and release. You are so fun. You are so real. You send me to my knees in awe and thankfulness and love from a deeply humbled heart. My time slips away and I will have to get ready soon.
Jesus I'm back I have no where I want to be but here. Hey is there anyone who needs to be here with us?
Okay that's cool... lol... The man from the village. The first man we prayed for; he has a pretty big smile on his face. He's just gotten here from an early morning climb :) huh. He makes me want to laugh out loud in delight. He looks pretty satisfied as he sits looking over the cliff and into the expanse stretched out in front of us. Does he see us? I get the feeling he doesn't ... weird. I like being near him.... hang on... it's You in him... NICE! He looks over as if overhearing my thoughts and gives me a wink. This is all apart of my learning to see isn't it. I get up and walk over and sit on the opposite side of him ... now it is the three of us You, him and me side by side. I'm really close to You aren't I... even over here. lol. What I mean is when I am anywhere and I look and love and desire to serve the one You send my way I am going to be really close to You. You will be in that person, I just need to see it. And when I catch that vision I will catch something deeper. I will catch perspective, desire and purpose, I will catch that the You in him wants to be as free as possible to love and minister and heal and give life to the one You are in and to shine out of and to work through... You don't want to be left as "unreachable", You don't want to be given up on, ... what we do to the least of these we do unto You. Huh that makes reaching out a whole lot less scary cause You are already there and I know (basically :) what You want.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dear Reader,
This next post is an excerpt from my journal Sept 10/10. There are times in taking leadership that things for a moment spin out of control... inside. Feeling overwhelmed... at a loss for direction or having ability... and at times it's fear. This was one of those moments.
Jesus can we hang out somewhere? How about somewhere we can only hear. You want to close your eyes anyways? :) Okay. In the darkness I feel You grab and hold my hand. You pull me in to the crook of Your arm and I sit without moving. Nothing is pulling me any direction and it feels somewhat like when I lay down on a super comfortable bed and I sink in and feel the tenseness drain out of my body. You are sweet Jesus. To be willing to just sit here with me. I try to think but I can't yet it hurts too much in the back of my head. This is going to sound so bizarre to anyone that reads this but the only thing I know is that You do have a scent. The other day while driving home from grocery shopping I caught a smell and it made me think instantly of You. To link a smell or scent to You is significant because in my mind it is only with a closeness hard to descibe that this is so. The reason I linked it to You the other day was because it was in the middle of nowhere and when I caught it like I said my thoughts went instantly to You and experiencing You being very near.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Journal entry Sept. 6/10
Morning Jesus thanks so much for the Scriptures yesterday... I know that they were the right ones :) May Your Hand and Your power reach out and touch us all... moving us to You as a body.
I am so intrigued with the message You sent to me through Glenn. It excites me to no end, on one hand, because it affirms to me that You have a specific purpose for me.... not just a general one but a place for me to be. Wow. (I don't know if you, Reader, understand what I am feeling but there are so many things in our walk that we all strive to and work towards and in general share a common purpose in carrying out and that is excellent and right but to have the knowledge that there is purpose for me as an individual too BUT as part of a whole makes me feel wildly loved) So Jesus I want to ask everyday that You'd give me Your eyes and heart. I cannot possibly, of course, carry out Your desire for me on my own AT ALL. But that is the delightful part isn't it ... it requires us to always be together united sharing ... YES! I love that!
Jesus I want to spend some time with You right now to prepare me for this day... We are sitting on the edge of a cliff. It is early in the morning and there is still alot of mist and clouds covering what is beneath us but only in patches as it is moving on unseen breezes with a stealthy ease. We are covered in the morning sun, however, and I am glad. Our feet swing in the nothingness and it makes me chuckle to see them. No fear is present. As we gaze out together it is like watching the world wake up. Little things at first and then sweeping changes in mood and color and thus time. I want to ask what am I to see here with You ... but it doesn't feel like the right question. I want you to practice seeing... sometimes it needs to be big and sweeping and sometimes it needs to be noting the small 'worldly insignificant' things. You smile and I feel it throughout my whole soul. My smile beams back at You, returning what You seem to pour into me with just a look. I bring my knees up and hug them as I again look out again to soak up what I see. I see promise. A turning over that means change but hope. I move over to You sitting on Your lap and leaning back against Your chest... Jesus what were all those little birds sitting on the low branches and on the ground in front of me in my dream last night? And why could I just pick them up putting them on branches... moving them? Why did some fall between the branches to the ground again? I only remember one not wanting me to move it but I think I did in the end. And that horrifically beautiful hawk waiting just waiting with it's wings ready to swoop down and snatch them up... that was horrible but I only saw the swoop down and then the sight was gone. They felt helpless didn't they, the little birds. Yes. And it was startling at first, unsettling, but it didn't stop me from touching them. I have to say I felt so clumsy and ill prepared when they fell to the ground again, like I needed to learn what I was suppose to do. There were just so many of them. Yes there were. Were they people? Hmmm. I feel Your answer more than I hear it... the sound coming from Your chest like a low hum. What's happening? Exactly what you are seeing... a renewing of day that is change but it is change filled with hope and purpose. Okay. I am so relieved to be on Your lap right now because I feel if I was anywhere else I would be afraid. When I feel this way I remember when I went from Your embrace into what was like sinking right into Your chest... and into Your heart I was so safe there. Then I got to see what You were seeing. I am not letting go of you Tam... I don't want to. You make me weep in relief and in the face of Your love I am so humbled and broken and yet so wanting of it to never leave me.... Your words are always just right. I love You Jesus. I wipe my tears away and look down beside us... there is the tiniest of flowers amidst the rock and moss of this mountain and it is beautiful. It is blue and even though it is so slender and frail looking, look where it has grown. huh.
Morning Jesus thanks so much for the Scriptures yesterday... I know that they were the right ones :) May Your Hand and Your power reach out and touch us all... moving us to You as a body.
I am so intrigued with the message You sent to me through Glenn. It excites me to no end, on one hand, because it affirms to me that You have a specific purpose for me.... not just a general one but a place for me to be. Wow. (I don't know if you, Reader, understand what I am feeling but there are so many things in our walk that we all strive to and work towards and in general share a common purpose in carrying out and that is excellent and right but to have the knowledge that there is purpose for me as an individual too BUT as part of a whole makes me feel wildly loved) So Jesus I want to ask everyday that You'd give me Your eyes and heart. I cannot possibly, of course, carry out Your desire for me on my own AT ALL. But that is the delightful part isn't it ... it requires us to always be together united sharing ... YES! I love that!
Jesus I want to spend some time with You right now to prepare me for this day... We are sitting on the edge of a cliff. It is early in the morning and there is still alot of mist and clouds covering what is beneath us but only in patches as it is moving on unseen breezes with a stealthy ease. We are covered in the morning sun, however, and I am glad. Our feet swing in the nothingness and it makes me chuckle to see them. No fear is present. As we gaze out together it is like watching the world wake up. Little things at first and then sweeping changes in mood and color and thus time. I want to ask what am I to see here with You ... but it doesn't feel like the right question. I want you to practice seeing... sometimes it needs to be big and sweeping and sometimes it needs to be noting the small 'worldly insignificant' things. You smile and I feel it throughout my whole soul. My smile beams back at You, returning what You seem to pour into me with just a look. I bring my knees up and hug them as I again look out again to soak up what I see. I see promise. A turning over that means change but hope. I move over to You sitting on Your lap and leaning back against Your chest... Jesus what were all those little birds sitting on the low branches and on the ground in front of me in my dream last night? And why could I just pick them up putting them on branches... moving them? Why did some fall between the branches to the ground again? I only remember one not wanting me to move it but I think I did in the end. And that horrifically beautiful hawk waiting just waiting with it's wings ready to swoop down and snatch them up... that was horrible but I only saw the swoop down and then the sight was gone. They felt helpless didn't they, the little birds. Yes. And it was startling at first, unsettling, but it didn't stop me from touching them. I have to say I felt so clumsy and ill prepared when they fell to the ground again, like I needed to learn what I was suppose to do. There were just so many of them. Yes there were. Were they people? Hmmm. I feel Your answer more than I hear it... the sound coming from Your chest like a low hum. What's happening? Exactly what you are seeing... a renewing of day that is change but it is change filled with hope and purpose. Okay. I am so relieved to be on Your lap right now because I feel if I was anywhere else I would be afraid. When I feel this way I remember when I went from Your embrace into what was like sinking right into Your chest... and into Your heart I was so safe there. Then I got to see what You were seeing. I am not letting go of you Tam... I don't want to. You make me weep in relief and in the face of Your love I am so humbled and broken and yet so wanting of it to never leave me.... Your words are always just right. I love You Jesus. I wipe my tears away and look down beside us... there is the tiniest of flowers amidst the rock and moss of this mountain and it is beautiful. It is blue and even though it is so slender and frail looking, look where it has grown. huh.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Journal entry Sept. 3/10
Jesus I am here and hungering again for You.
We hold hands as we walk along the forest path. It is cool out and the breeze reminds us of seasons passing and coming. I had a thought Jesus. I know You hunger and ache to be with Your bride... and Your bride, although so flighty, at times grasps the revelation of understanding and is filled with such a deep want of You and You alone. I know that time is not for us to contend with but I cannot help but think about the wait You are enduring till we are with You. As well as the weight of that ache that You shoulder and have carried for so long. It hurts my heart to think that You are so near and yet we are not what we will become nor what we need to become to fully be with You. This makes me turn to You and I reach up with my hands. I hold Your face and look deep in Your eyes and say... soon. Our eyes fill with tears and hearts with words to many to be spoken but we relish together the sharing of this thought and weight. You lift me up and we spin around, laughing. I spread out my arms and look up at the treetops spinning around. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply.
When I open them up we are sitting on a rock. For a long time no word is spoken; I turn to You... If I just spend my time here being with You is that alright? Yes it is cause everything will flow out of that. Your smile is just so .... full of emotion. I am just so sorry Jesus when I hurt You and make You feel lonely. I mean that in the small realm of me and in the hard to comprehend huge sense of Your body, the bride. We want You, You know. I can not help but laugh (sadly) at the absurity and irony of so much that happens.
You stand up and reach for me. We continue to walk. I wonder if my life will ever tell a story that will help save someone? Purposefully You look down into my face and give me a wink and a smile as You squeeze my hand. You know... I know what you are thinking and feeling and even though you laugh at yourself when you see how easily you want so much and desire to do significant things .... you can never outdream Me. What I want for You and I are beyond what you'd even allow yourself to think. What I desire for your life is on such a grand scale that it dwarfs what feels like, for you here, such a long long time with so many unknowns. You can so trust Me with dreams and desires and wants... I will fill you in such a better and perfect way... I love you and I want you too. One day we will sit together and look back at a masterpiece painted by My Hand. I think I am slowly learning to be closer to You Jesus I'm not sure why that brings tears to my eyes except that I think about what I have missed and most likely still will at times and I think how? ... seriously. However the tears are also such a deep gratitude of wonder at what You do ... what You are so willing to do... in each of our lives. hmmmm. You make me feel so good within. You are crazy good. I love You.
Jesus I am here and hungering again for You.
We hold hands as we walk along the forest path. It is cool out and the breeze reminds us of seasons passing and coming. I had a thought Jesus. I know You hunger and ache to be with Your bride... and Your bride, although so flighty, at times grasps the revelation of understanding and is filled with such a deep want of You and You alone. I know that time is not for us to contend with but I cannot help but think about the wait You are enduring till we are with You. As well as the weight of that ache that You shoulder and have carried for so long. It hurts my heart to think that You are so near and yet we are not what we will become nor what we need to become to fully be with You. This makes me turn to You and I reach up with my hands. I hold Your face and look deep in Your eyes and say... soon. Our eyes fill with tears and hearts with words to many to be spoken but we relish together the sharing of this thought and weight. You lift me up and we spin around, laughing. I spread out my arms and look up at the treetops spinning around. Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply.
When I open them up we are sitting on a rock. For a long time no word is spoken; I turn to You... If I just spend my time here being with You is that alright? Yes it is cause everything will flow out of that. Your smile is just so .... full of emotion. I am just so sorry Jesus when I hurt You and make You feel lonely. I mean that in the small realm of me and in the hard to comprehend huge sense of Your body, the bride. We want You, You know. I can not help but laugh (sadly) at the absurity and irony of so much that happens.
You stand up and reach for me. We continue to walk. I wonder if my life will ever tell a story that will help save someone? Purposefully You look down into my face and give me a wink and a smile as You squeeze my hand. You know... I know what you are thinking and feeling and even though you laugh at yourself when you see how easily you want so much and desire to do significant things .... you can never outdream Me. What I want for You and I are beyond what you'd even allow yourself to think. What I desire for your life is on such a grand scale that it dwarfs what feels like, for you here, such a long long time with so many unknowns. You can so trust Me with dreams and desires and wants... I will fill you in such a better and perfect way... I love you and I want you too. One day we will sit together and look back at a masterpiece painted by My Hand. I think I am slowly learning to be closer to You Jesus I'm not sure why that brings tears to my eyes except that I think about what I have missed and most likely still will at times and I think how? ... seriously. However the tears are also such a deep gratitude of wonder at what You do ... what You are so willing to do... in each of our lives. hmmmm. You make me feel so good within. You are crazy good. I love You.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Jesus hanging onto my hand
Dear Reader,
There has been a bit of a pause in my blogging as of late but for a very interesting reason. However, before that comes out I do want to finish off my summer journal and catch up to some current time blogs lol.
Here is my Journal entry from Aug 24/10
Morning Jesus... It is a new week and a significant one at that. The last week of summer. I am just crazy wanting to know You more this week.
Hmmm.... this summer. You have been declaring Your presence in each rainfall. You carry me when I cannot. You fill me with feeling when I have no clue how or what to feel. You have drawn me closer to You. You have taught me to do this more during the day than just when I journal. You have helped heal some pretty deep hurt and resentment. You have been busy this summer. Thank You with all that is in me. I love You.
Where are we? We are sitting opposite each other. (I love that cause it means we are looking right at each other) I can not possibly ever be close enough to You. I can not help but smile out of my awe and delight at being in Your presence. What do I need to hear today Jesus? My voice. Okay.... help my ears be open and hearing please. What do I need to see today? My face. I want this with all my heart. Does anything else matter more highly than this? No. What about stress? No. What about being organized and worried and consumed with getting things done the way you want? No. I will seek Your face, Your righteousness, Your voice, I will respond to You and walk in Your ways and I will trust You to carry me through this time of not having whatever I think I need. Jesus... I will hang onto You when I feel those things rising up.
We are walking. It feels like a darker path perhaps more a fall path? But without colors, huh. We reach for each other's hand and when we actually grasp hands it is a strong grip. It radiates comfort and strength and desire through me. That's something for today isn't it... feeling the strength of Your hand holding mine. Nice.
It's still today but I have to end it with You Jesus. Holy Holy Holy. I just love You so much Jesus. I can not breathe without You.
You got me through this day.
You hung onto my hand.
I do not know what to write.... I want to tell You just how much my soul and body and mind love You but I am without words that even come close.
Does anyone need us tonight Jesus? Is the girl okay? What I see is something exciting and beautiful. She is happy and running about in the forest with wonderful delight of purpose... she is creating. She sets up with twigs and vines around what is like crystal all around her hut and down paths. Their sole purpose is to reflect light in a way that is so beautiful. And because they are hanging there doesn't seem to be anywhere they cannot be... as they sway on breezes and with forest movements the light flashes and splashes seemingly everywhere. And it isn't just light that is playing there is laughter too that is carried on and on into the forest like a call of hope. I fail to be able to express the depth of this beautiful moment. hmmmm. :)
There has been a bit of a pause in my blogging as of late but for a very interesting reason. However, before that comes out I do want to finish off my summer journal and catch up to some current time blogs lol.
Here is my Journal entry from Aug 24/10
Morning Jesus... It is a new week and a significant one at that. The last week of summer. I am just crazy wanting to know You more this week.
Hmmm.... this summer. You have been declaring Your presence in each rainfall. You carry me when I cannot. You fill me with feeling when I have no clue how or what to feel. You have drawn me closer to You. You have taught me to do this more during the day than just when I journal. You have helped heal some pretty deep hurt and resentment. You have been busy this summer. Thank You with all that is in me. I love You.
Where are we? We are sitting opposite each other. (I love that cause it means we are looking right at each other) I can not possibly ever be close enough to You. I can not help but smile out of my awe and delight at being in Your presence. What do I need to hear today Jesus? My voice. Okay.... help my ears be open and hearing please. What do I need to see today? My face. I want this with all my heart. Does anything else matter more highly than this? No. What about stress? No. What about being organized and worried and consumed with getting things done the way you want? No. I will seek Your face, Your righteousness, Your voice, I will respond to You and walk in Your ways and I will trust You to carry me through this time of not having whatever I think I need. Jesus... I will hang onto You when I feel those things rising up.
We are walking. It feels like a darker path perhaps more a fall path? But without colors, huh. We reach for each other's hand and when we actually grasp hands it is a strong grip. It radiates comfort and strength and desire through me. That's something for today isn't it... feeling the strength of Your hand holding mine. Nice.
It's still today but I have to end it with You Jesus. Holy Holy Holy. I just love You so much Jesus. I can not breathe without You.
You got me through this day.
You hung onto my hand.
I do not know what to write.... I want to tell You just how much my soul and body and mind love You but I am without words that even come close.
Does anyone need us tonight Jesus? Is the girl okay? What I see is something exciting and beautiful. She is happy and running about in the forest with wonderful delight of purpose... she is creating. She sets up with twigs and vines around what is like crystal all around her hut and down paths. Their sole purpose is to reflect light in a way that is so beautiful. And because they are hanging there doesn't seem to be anywhere they cannot be... as they sway on breezes and with forest movements the light flashes and splashes seemingly everywhere. And it isn't just light that is playing there is laughter too that is carried on and on into the forest like a call of hope. I fail to be able to express the depth of this beautiful moment. hmmmm. :)
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