Abba Father... I need to sit with You I desperately want to hear Your voice, Your words, Your truth. I want to go deep into You. That's all I have.
So I sit and wait.
I sit straining my ears to hear You.
We sit on the log on the shore. There's hardly any light... but the sound of the tide as it faithfully pounds the shore and the smell of the salt mixing with the seaweed and driftwood heighten and fall on the breeze carried in from the ocean. I think I need You Jesus... I crumple as I lower my head into my hands on my lap. I feel You lift me up and then settle down on the sand with the log at Your back. I sit across Your lap my head buried into Your shoulder, I miss You Jesus I mumble as my tears course their way down my face and into Your shirt. Your arms are strong and warm and I feel You kiss my head softly as we rock ever so slightly. You are doing so good, You repeat every so often as I stop crying and stop to realize who's arms I am in. I haven't dared to open my eyes till now. The gray of the sky has lightened but the sun hasn't yet arrived. Without moving my head I look down the shoreline at the constant movement and think... that is good. Beautiful. I sit up and look up into Your face with Your eyes that dance with life and love and Your smile that stops time. My heart responds. My smile, rooted in the depths of my soul, blossoms open and You slowly move and softly hold my face in Your hands.
hmmm.
I needed that. Or wanted that. I need You like air. You are essential to who I am. We sit side by side our legs stretching out on the sand our backs against the water worn log smoothed of it's rough bark and bleached by the sun and salt. The first rays of sun peak out touching the surrounding forest and cliffs with spots of gold. In a few minutes the shore, the rocks and the driftwood, of enormous proportion tumbled together like pickup sticks, are literally washed in the golden light. As soon as it touches my skin I feel it's presence ... it's heat and I cannot help but smile in it's comfort. I turn my head to look at You and find You returning my gaze. Just so much is said without words. I sigh and hold tight to Your hand. The ache of needing You rising up in my chest, the awe that I am here with You threatens to push the ache to a fracture. Not in a bad way but in that overwhelmed sense of Your Holiness and Love. Kind of like arriving at that point of eternity where everything could fall away in recognition of this moment this truth, this reality. The deeper you allow Me to love you the deeper you can love those around you. I toy with the idea... like if I am filled with more and more love of Yours I don't have to hoard it to myself because I will realize it has no end and I can even challenge myself to pour it out as fast and as much as I can conceive and never can I out give what You are so ready to pour into me. The deeper you allow Me to love you the greater the power of that love that will pour over into the lives around you. That really makes sense because the deeper I come to know You, Your truths set me free of me... thus pushing the door open for You to come through me and where others have not yet gone with You, they can have of taste You ... the reality of You coming through the love You are pouring out in and through me.
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