Meeting on the white sand

Aug 13/11 journal excerpts...

   Hey Jesus it may have taken me a long time to get here this week but I am here. Really here. There have been a lot of messages this week. Love. How we love. The differences in love. Being vulnerable. The risk of being misunderstood and does it really matter? The difference between hanging hell over someone as compared to being motivated completely out of love. And You. Wanting to walk in a room and be like You... connecting and loving as many as I am able. Not caring about what is coming my way but instead how much love I can give away. 
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   I wanted to watch this movie one more time and meet you in it's message but I am too distracted to watch because I need You first.
   I can type a brave journal and declare all I ever want and need is You, even if it means I never taste the comforts I want or the love I desire from those who drift in and out of my life. That if, everything was taken away from me... that I will stand in the midst of trial willing to go through whatever You allow as long as You are right next to me but I know I am much weaker than my heart now wants to declare me to be. I know how, when the heartbreaking happens, I whisper my despair under my breath to You... wanting to not be here anymore ... how my life is more hated than loved. I am weak. So I wonder as I sit here in the dark, what of that.
 
   I want to see You Jesus...
  We sit across from each other on white sand. As far as the eye can see there is nothing but the ever reaching white with no breaks in shape or color ... even the horizon melds into the sky.  Our surroundings, however, don't hold my attention long instead my eyes return to Your face searching and wondering what You want to say to me. Aching to hear. What is the relationship between brokenness and love? Can we love without brokenness? How can we receive without first giving up? How can we give up without seeing? How can we see without cause to look? Two ways come that cause us to see... our own mistakes and failures force us to see... and seeing You for who You are -  Your light, Your love causes us to fall on our faces humbled. So Your love breaks us and Your truth breaks us. 
   Jesus help me be still and hear.