This gets cooler... after a few days of looking back at what happened on Sunday I am thinking that God is just so big and I love getting to know Him.
Here's what I wrote in my journal that day it's a bit lacking on detail so hopefully it'll make sense and you'll see how things link together....
Hey Jesus it's me and I know... I just know I need to pray. Jesus please release him. Help him let go of whatever it is that he needs to ... to plunge right into Your arms and that place of knowing. Holy God I pray against the comfortableness of our dark places and fears, our wounds ... they need to hold no power any longer cause the desire to move on and out is there. Jesus pick him up and fly with him, let his heart and soul find a delight that he cannot help but whoop with joy and release. Oh You are such a delight beyond description. Hmmm.
Under my breath today I have either been mumbling Your Name over and over or have had a crude word come to my lips... which is a very curious thing in itself. I think it was the weight of what You were and are calling me to that caused both reactions. Even the bad one or seemingly negative one I don't think really was... It was definitely a "LISTEN!"
This afternoon while watching a movie I found that I had unconsciously grabbed onto my sweater and was holding it desperately in the middle of my chest, right over my heart ... and in that moment I knew without a doubt I had to pray. So while watching I began praying without knowing the right words I prayed... With all my heart I prayed. Holy God I need You so completely... AHHHH!!!! Even after the movie while doing stuff around the house I kept grabbing my sweater... my chest so tight with the call to pray....
Jesus I don't know what this morning in worship was all about... me bumbling about with my words and not knowing how to finish it... but I leave it in Your hands. I leave it in Your hands, I will continue on... but I wonder about my listening skills...lol... please enable me to hear so much better!!!!
Holy God... I figure, cause the weight in my chest hasn't left ... I am still to pray but how? Hmmmm. Can I just bring him to You? Hey what would I see? Where are we?
We are standing in the middle of a river... the water is strong and cold. You are holding hands with him. You alone are looking so deep in his eyes. You are speaking... without words. The water that I thought was only thigh high is actually over our waists. But the cold is not unbearable at all. In the heat of and light of You it is crisp and sharp but not numbing... I think in his relief (of being in Your presence and hearing You) his knees start to buckle but You already have him in Your arms. You are weeping over him... and his eyes are closed and tears stream from behind his eyelids. He knows he is in Your arms but cannot yet open his eyes. In this relief and release he is unable to move... Oh Jesus he loves You so much... You pull him close in to Your chest and with his face against Your chest he feels You pull in a deep breath and raggedly exhale through tears and a love literally pouring out of You. He lifts a hand up to put around Your neck and You let out a chuckle... a deep but energy spent laugh of relief and connection and joy...