As I looked back at my month of journaling I wondered what Jesus would want me to share... so the next few posts will be sections pulled out of my letters to Jesus.
Jesus... I am in quite a state really... bouncing between the calm and surrendered to wanting feedback and affirmation but really it is Your affirmation that I need. Alot of things happened this last week. One very significant thing is the time spent talking with my sister. It gave perspectives and directions of thought that I needed and enjoyed. There is so much in life that doesn't need to hold the weight it does, especially fear. I am called to live in fear of You and living in the light of You everything else gains proper perspective and then I can enjoy moments and situations instead of being ruled by them. So because I am finding myself wanting affirmation today ... could You give that to me? .......
I need You first. I need and want You above all else. You are my God. You are God. You are Holy. I also just want to tell You Jesus how much I love this seeing and meeting with You and others. Thank You for this honor. Thank You for allowing me to join You in it.
How are You doing Jesus? Is Your heart tired today? In a way are Sundays rough on You? With all of us who miss the mark or follow blindly in ways that unknowingly are leading us away from where You want us? ....
Maybe we could lie down and just be together. Lying on our stomachs we are watching that slow trickle of water as it runs down through sand and silt and rocks and pebbles. I reach over and grab Your hand and pull it over to me. I hold it tight in my hands under my pillow and beneath my head. You lay down Your head upon the pillow ... Your face towards me. You smile then close Your eyes and I do the same. The sounds of the babbling water and flitting insects are accentuated in the heat of the sun and the otherwise quiet of the moment. I AM real. I know You are... I KNOW You are. Are you scared? No. I know what question You are about to ask... it's about the dark looming clouds You showed me a while ago and You asked if I would remember not to be afraid while I was in it. There was beauty in it... a deep beauty one can see from a distance either before or after... hmmmm. My chest gets a little tight as I wonder what is coming. Or is that just You? Open your eyes and look at Me. Look at Me always... look at Me always. Okay I will try and I must ask You and Your Spirit to help me completely in that... for even when all is calm I tend to drift and get sucked into myself and the fear of this world. Please let those times be shortened to all but a moment as I feel You lift my chin and beckon me to look into Your eyes. Jesus... I think all this unknown stuff is exciting.. I feel at times I wish I knew more but perhaps Your power is much more free in my surrender amidst the unknown. I am so at Your mercy and guidance. Boy do I love You. Please, just continue to increase my hearing. I want to do all You ask. Help me be surrendered to it all , no matter what size or shape. LOL. You are so cool.