Journal entry... November 7/11
Jesus I love You with all I am. I can never comprehend the depth to which Your passion goes for me but I hunger for it as deeply as I can. I suppose as my love for You grows so does it... help me love You perfectly... by complete surrender to You alone. ahhh.
I want to learn how to surrender Jesus, moment by moment. I want to, without question, surrender to You; I want it to be like breathing. If I can learn to be so given over to You and Your will there is no greater security than that. No pain or reward will ever compare to being in Your presence.
We stand before the edge of the cliff. At our feet are the remains of the bottles not yet broken or thrown away. I look at them as if they are nothing and reach down to grab as many of them as I can... I hurl them with all my strength. Without waiting to hear the smashing, I reach down again ... and again... in my haste I break some with my feet and kick some over the edge too. I don't even want to see the colored glass littered on the rocks.
When they are all gone I turn to You and run into Your waiting arms. Unable to catch or hang onto a thought as I cling onto You... I even have a hard time breathing cause I don't want to ever go back to what those bottles represent. Yet I cannot string together two words or know how to feel except that ... I am Yours. I keep my face buried into Your chest and I feel Your arms tighten around me and then... we are no longer on the ground. We fly out over the valley, the river and beyond. What I sense as we move now is temperature... at times the light we travel through is so warm it feels like a blanket and then in rays of light there is scent... a heavenly scent that I breathe in. It's like it speaks to my soul and I respond... breathing as deep as I can. I in turn sing aloud my joy unspeakable... It's hard to be aware of so very much all at once but I hear Your voice too and it joins mine in a deep harmony that sends shivers of awe throughout me. When I am finally able to pull back enough to see Your face I see the same tears running down Your face as mine... a 'finally' kind of release. Tears that at the same time seem to 'let go of' and 'promise'. I put my head back down by Your neck and Your hand comes up and holds my head to You. When I close my eyes I still see the flickering light, feel the comfort of the warm air and breathe deep the air that swirls around us.
"... Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
For His sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with Him....."
Phillipians 3:8,9
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