Love that shifts one's very soul

Journal entry... Aug 29/12 12:49 pm

(Dear Reader, Pardon my exuberance this entry could not wait for chronological order nor a another day)

My dearest Jesus, I realized something just now.

   When I experience even a slight widening in my concept or realization of love ... my heart near breaks with it as I realize it is becoming more complete. In the wake of this I want with all my soul to give it back to You.
   To love You in even a incrementally deeper way results in two things.  One, it thrills me and moves me foundationally, something so deep that my soul changes in a some way... and You are the One I long to offer it back to. For I know without doubt where love originates from. Second my heart breaks which also adds to that shifting of my inner soul. I am so sorry, in light of the revelation, that I had not yet loved You fully... and beneath it I know also that there is no end to my learning... and this in itself breaks my heart... for in the same way I learn that the depths of Your love and what You have done for me within that love has been there and for years I have lived in the face of it without acknowledgment and that kills me. Your love is so complete. Mine so far from it. I am so sorry.

   But right now let me offer myself anew. Let me sit down beside You... longing to take Your hand in the fire of a deeper love and with the cool wash of a deeper humbleness. I bow my head. I cannot hold in my tears as You, in response, get off the bench and kneel before me (!) You take both of my hands in Yours and Your eyes meet mine. And although You are slightly blurry behind my tears I cannot help but laugh in the rapture of the moment and fling my arms around Your neck. I hear Your responding laugh but then we both fall silent. And You stand, still holding me fast. This is a Holy moment. Although my mind starts to reel with the how and why of Your love and who am I... I silence it. This time is beyond that, it is simply and yet most profoundly a time of love, celebrated in the giving and receiving of it. Of it being existent.

You are love.

You are my love.

Holy, Holy, Holy.