Gray

May 4/12

I know they are wrong when they say I am strong... as the darkness comes and covers me.    

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory... I am not afraid to bear all my weakness

 ... I have a kingdom to gain  (Jennifer Knapp)

                             Captivated by those words. Love them.

     Jesus here am I... send me. I sit beside You. We are on a crazy high cliff and the ocean literally crashes on the rocky shore below. It is uncomfortable here. the wind a little too cold... the salt seems to hang onto the updraft forced up the cliff face and into our faces. The sun must be there but is hidden behind the layers upon layers of gray to the point that I wonder what it would take to actually get through it all. So as I rake my eyes across all that is displayed before me I wonder at just how completely everything is touched by the caste of gray. It seems to leech the life out of everything. Or like everything is frozen or stopped in it's tracks. Even though the ocean still surges it now takes on an angry feel, the drudgery of constant motion. I lift my hand up and see that even I am gray. Disturbing. I want to look at You but in some ways I am afraid... what if You are gray too and what would that mean? Instead You reach over to my hand now resting on my leg. Your hand is like mine in color until the moment You touch me. Where our skin touches the color of life spreads like ink in water. I turn my head now and look at Your face Your eyes are color too. I knew they'd have to be. .... even someone dead inside feels it when they look, really look into Your eyes.

    I know what is coming... we stand up and I see that crinkle around Your eyes. I want to be as close to You as I can so I climb on Your back just before You take a step right off the cliff. WHOOSH. The whistling air steals my hearing and my breath until just as suddenly we hit the water and then all I hear is the roar of plunging through it and then the muffled familiar sound of my own heart and breathing in my ears. Yeah my breathing... it is ragged and irregular as I recover from the suddenness but I break into a big grin as I look for Your face and feel You pulling me by the hand through the water.  Mmm nope.... I laugh. I let go of Your hand and kick with all my strength to catch up and wrap my arms around your neck once again... piggybacking and gliding so smoothly and fast through the water. I love You so much. I am okay here. haha