Thinking things through

journal entry... Oct. 31/11

   Okay Jesus I think I have realized an error in my thinking. When I heard some statements that seemed in conflict with my line of thinking yet I knew that the statements were true I conclude that I am getting off the rails. I want to ask for Your forgiveness and to lead me in Your ways completely. Jesus I suppose that is me wanting to be wise but I don't need any accolades from man I only want Your opinion and voice and ways. So I will go back to just talking to You till You lead me otherwise.

   Hey Jesus trying to comprehend You and Your ways is tricky... and needs to be treated with a deep reverence and respect. Let's see, if I content myself with getting as close to You as I can I suppose that You would reveal what I need when I need it. Including understanding and theology. I remember always having a hunger to be wise and seen as wise. But that is in Your hands like everything else. Of a few things I am quite convinced and I know it butts heads with a few around me... but I feel the process of us becoming Holy and like You is a process and a daily one at that. I believe that there are things we cannot possibly comprehend or realize is there until the time comes for us to recognize and decide to deal with it. I think this is in line with who You are. You accept us where ever You are without question. You will touch, heal, answer prayer and reveal Yourself to Your beloved whether they are believers yet or not. It is only when we give ourselves to You that You start to gradually shape us and prune away the broken and dead things we have inside. This speaks of Your mercy and faithfulness. This process involves a loss often of what we felt defined us and that is scary at times and painful. Your gradual working within us shows me that You understand mourning and how to comfort us in that and bring us through and out of that. I could go on to realize how that pruning made room for new passions of Yours to take root inside us ... that hunger and thirst for righteousness.

   Jesus I want to say I love You. I want to honor You today...  

   So Jesus what are You up too? The business of redeeming. 
Cool. Can I hang out with You for a while? You laugh and as I feel the notes of it fall all around me all feels right in the world. There will be alot of this in the new heaven and earth.
 Hmmm.
I tuck in under Your arm as we start walking.
It's interesting when you don't see what is coming around the corner.
It kinda keeps me going... wondering what's there.
Gives hope. 
Yes it does cause if things are bad there is still reason to hope there is good coming. Or if things are good there is anticipation for what's around the bend. Or if I am just existing I can see where I have come from and hold out hope to just get through to what's ahead.
You know what's cool about hope?
What? 
It increases your faith.
Hmmm. Okay... if I hope then I am believing that will happen. If I believe something will happen I am believing something to be true about who You are. For sometimes there really is no logical reason to hope or hang on yet we do because I believe somewhere that You are God and You are real and in control. When we see our hope fulfilled we then KNOW something more about You from our experience or have it confirmed. But what if You don't do what we want or expect You to do? What of that ... disappointment? 
Think about it... if in my grace and love I cause you to hope in the first place am I not also able to bring you through disappointment to understanding? That the hope in Me was greatly founded and that my ways are indeed higher than your ways. You can learn both ways in the end. Both ways can lead to a greater hope and thus a greater faith thus a deeper relationship.
That's part of Your redemption isn't it.

A little too efficient tonight got the potatoes done too early lol. I have a little time so I wanted to come back. If You painted a picture of today what would it look like? This is what I see... A man has walked through a field down a hill to some fruit trees at the forefront. The picture is in black and white except what this man has touched. In the black and white there is also revelation of what we normally cannnot