Hello dear Reader... it has been so long since I have shared but there has been so much that has been going on within (thanks, Jesus... for never leaving me) So I am going to post something from a while ago in my journals... eventually more will come out I'm sure and add depth to this but for now here goes...

Jesus here I am. :) I absolutely know I need sleep and should already be in bed but I just had to come to You. Oh my Jesus I love You so deeply , so much , so with all that I am that I just had to write to You and tell You. You make my heart so full and aching for You. I NEED YOU. After watching the movie tonight I feel like it would be so delightful to write a story. I feel that if I did You would make it meaningful... in a deep way. In a way I never would be able to, of course. You excite me Jesus , You excite me.

Oh my Holy God, I must run with You even for this moment before I lay down. I close my eyes and what do I see? I see a field that is not tame. I see edges of forests and roads that are closer to paths... I see that it is already a dim evening light... that will soon make things tricky to see clearly. I think we are actually on the west side of the city. As I gaze out however, my feet are still on the street. I can't turn around at all... nor do I want to, cause it is about You and me going forward... I only see myself but I feel and know You are with me. I take off hard and fast as I can running into the grass and into the wind that has just picked up. With fierce determination I work and run and keep on. It is raining and I care not... I keep going. I go into the trees and running becomes alot easier as I am on the dirt path that is leading into the darker woods. The trees are getting larger and closer together as I go... yet strangely there is a light and I know it is You. But I can't figure it out cause it is going ahead of me... while I still feel You behind me. Hmmm. I again have no desire to look really from side to side but keep on pushing forward... running faster and easier, even though my breathing is harder. My throat is starting to burn a bit but I don't care.
I come to a place that is calm and warm and while it seems dusky in light , it is a warm light. I slow to a walk and wonder what this is. There is water... a pool of it just off to the right and there is a fire flickering and snapping fairly close to the water's edge... I draw close to the fire and pool running my fingers along the trunk of a downed tree... the bark is damp and rough. I come close enough to the fire to feel it's heat and am suddenly flooded with the knowledge that You have put it here just because You love me and You are saying that with it. LOL. You are so loving and unfathomably generous.. You know I used to always ask for protection , comfort and.... warmth when me met... hmmm. My eyes however, cannot be drawn away from the water or what's beyond it. I look intently and I see ... it is You across the pool.. it's really YOU! Why is the water between us Jesus? Right away I am filled with that awe that renders me in a state of worship and love and overwhelmedness at being in Your presence but right behind it is a panic that there is this pool between us... it scares me. Jesus do I need to be afraid? Think through it... ok I CAN SEE You. You have placed a fire beside me that I know is You loving me. I was running to You alone... due You alone... You were my sole desire and I didn't look away. I felt You while I ran and although I can see You now, the stronger thing is feeling You... literally with the heat of the flames. Is it less than My arms you are used to? In a way no. Cause as soon as I felt the heat I was very touched within my soul and filled to overflowing with Your presence and awe of You. Is this a message about the future? Or is it for now? Both. You have learned a deeper lesson from the horses than You realized. You asked Me just to be Me when we went riding, just You and I.... not letting your fears put Me in any box that You did so unconsciously that you didn't see it at first. But not only that you asked Me to be bigger than you could understand and you just trusted that. This is like a furthering of that... you are accustom to how we have been meeting and yet you hang onto a desire for more. Not to be limited by writing... to find Me in a fuller, freer way that isn't limited by what you know and have experienced. I am saying that this is exciting but for you... you will feel fear when you don't 'see' Me like you are used to but like the fire is saying I am still touching you! And I will let you 'see' Me when it is needed but run after more! Pursue it! Pursue and hunger with all you are... it is My Spirit bringing that up within you. I love you Tam... I want you too! Run to Me! Run into the unknown of Me! This is a delight to Me... this is love.