a graffiti update

Oct. 31/13

     Figured I hadn't given a graffiti update for a while. Since I painted over my son's original graffiti name... this is attempt number two.  I had a lot of fun doing this one.  It was one of the first ones that I pretty much finished in one shot.  I did a little prep work but came together with a lot more ease.  Realized with the one wall being pre-painted just how much easier it is to paint on it.  That paneling is a bit of a bear... the paint runs real easy.  The first picture is pretty hazy I realized after taking a few pictures that it was because my phone lens was covered with sawdust... go figure!!

This was after I had played with it two more times... 

Gotta give props to one of my favorite T.V. series....

Sane and Insane

    Dearest Reader, while reading a novel this week and I quickly became totally absorbed in it.  Then suddenly a paragraph just jumps off the page ... in such a distinct way that I actually stopped reading.  Only to go back and reread it twice, thinking I should really write this down!
   It was saying this.... the things God teaches us... which often are how to make right choices He teaches us while we are sane (doing ok)  but the time that those understandings, those realizations really get used are when we are insane (struggling or fighting inside with decisions with what to do) it is then that we need to take our stand in what we have been already taught, no matter the consequence, because when we struggle we will fight very hard to take care of our problems and struggles on our own, the way we want it to go.  This can be very dangerous because the foremost thing we want, is for it to be over.  It is in the crucial time you need to stand and say... I am sticking with what I know to be true when I was sane. (okay).

I am all in

Journal excerpt... Jan18/13

   I am quite captured by our place on the ridge line even if my discipline fails me and I keep having to refocus to stay there.  Even now I am flitting around doing other details instead of sitting still... it is like I crave Your presence so much that I am overwhelmed, so deeply that I am scared to start or be still to receive.
   I am all in Jesus.  Every moment I know I am not with You I feel time has warped ahead and left me so far behind that a night is like a week. (thank you Lifehouse)  But there is a certain helplessness felt in that.  A desperation I suppose or despair even.
Please don't leave me here Jesus.  
But I haven't... I am holding your hand... I am sitting on a ridge line with you leaning against my legs ... we are face to face.
Why am I not hearing You?
Haha really?
Hahaha You know what I mean!  We dissolve into a laughter of absurdness and release for a moment but I take a deep breath in and ask what.?

A question

Journal entry... Jan16/13

   Jesus I can not start my day yet... I know I still want to hear from You.  

And so I sit with You.  Your hand in mine.  It is curious, although it seems I am the one sitting beside You lying on the ground and holding Your hand, I know inside it is the opposite way around. You're holding my hand and it is me laying on the ground, still broken.  But thinking on it I don't mind that (being broken I mean) for my soul rests in hope, in promise, in knowledge that I won't be here forever.

  

          So I have a question for You... my eyes look up into Yours in all earnestness seeking what can be found there.  

If I don't step into what I feel inside my soul here and in my present form will I step into it in Your fully and realized Kingdom?  Or will it matter then? Or be relevant then? 

You look long and deep into my eyes... and softly run Your finger along my cheek.

Oh God, I want to hold Your hand

Journal entry... Jan 11/13

   Hey Jesus... so my prayer this morning has played out extremely literal today haha.  Unable to move ahead I have taken each moment forward with You.  I couldn't seem to make the smallest decisions and had no strong motivation to decide which direction to take ... what I knew needed to be done, what I wanted to get done, and how I could escape it all.  Interesting.

   So the image of the hands has stayed with me and I find myself trying to find that message in other places and things and stories.  I want to touch You Jesus.  I want to be in that place where our hands meet ... our souls.  I am literally lost without You... and desire nothing but You.

   I want to write down a phrase that has come up two mornings in a row now during our time together.  It is about making love to life and I know that is a real weird way to say it but I think it is more accurate than not.  To love, adore, cherish, connect with all that encompasses my life is loving You in a way that it true.  The people in my life don't need to deserve it or ask for it or ??? but I should freely give it because I can and because I am full of You.  I can love moments and circumstances in how they reflect You or reveal You.  I can allow the dark and weary times serve to make even more luminous the light and life of You revealed.  And I need not weary of it.  For You are the source of life and the reason behind it You are the inspiration and strength, the power of it all... I only want and need to keep my hold, my grip on Your Hand.

Oh God... I want to hold Your hand.