the week things changed

November 16/12  Journal entry.

   Afternoon Jesus, I stole away as soon as I was alone and the one thing that stood out immediately was my heart's cry for You. It is just You that I really want.

   As I look back on this week that has sped by I am dismayed at my falling down so often and my inability to make the transfer to adjust to a new arrangement in house. So I sit still, finally, and I look weigh and measure. It is You I want. I want You to change me to adapt to absolutely anything that comes my way whether I am forewarned or not. Jesus I know it is possible in You. There is absolutely no reason not to love well. ( I think this is still one of the loudest lessons from my time of fasting) and not to be ridiculously thankful in and for each moment.
   I still must be scared a lot... why else do I put things off? Why haven't I painted yet? Why haven't I pursued so many things? I still fight with my selfishness... why else to I hoard time, sometimes being resentful at not having all I want?
   Well I am thankful right now for a moment of clarity and remembrance. I don't need to be beat up by it but I am once again presented with a chance to decide. Fight the good fight, I say. Sit in Your presence. Huh... pretty cool that those two statements are the same thing lol. Jesus things feel out of control but I will press into the rest of my day with You. Please take care of me.