You are for me

Aug 19/12  Journal entry.

   You know what Jesus... You were my friend today. (That may sound so odd and if I step back from it it also sounds manipulative but that is not my intent.)

   During the worship set, before I spoke, You met me and my desperate want and need for You... You told me that You were what You have been teaching me. There. And real. That You are for me. And because of what You have helped me receive and gradually apply, I was actually at that point... that point where I believe this, I can exist there right now. In the place where I am so confident that You are for me that it doesn't matter what the outcome is... it may look as if it was a failure or it may look like it was received but that is not my concern. I get to love You by following through on what You asked me to do (which I must add was a heart cry of mine those months ago when I lamented over not 'doing' anything with what You were revealing to me ... the fear that I was failing You or that You may quit giving stuff to me because I was such a bad manager).

   I really can and will be okay with whatever is in store because I know in obeying You I will, at the end of this, be right beside You. And that is enough for me. I love You Jesus so much.

   Abba Father thank You for protecting me, shielding me not only from outside attack but from myself today. Sarayu thank You for being my voice today ... I don't believe I have ever shared in a small circle or large that smoothly before. It was You who relayed the message into my heart in the first place thank You for the honor of sharing it further.... You are sweet.