Jesus starts a conversation

Aug 15/12 Journal.

   Well how about we talk together now?
   Yes please!  Jesus, your soft laughter sets me at ease and in anticipation... kinda like now we are getting some where ;)
   What do you think I want my Beloved to hear?
   That surrender isn't optional.
   Nice.
   And that dependence is sweet.... more full of life than we can now grasp.
   My whole ministry had a base of surrender and dependence and I made no secret of it. I said it straight out, it was in my actions, it was in my passion. Why is it not optional? Let me ask you this... what comes out of it? Relationship. And not a single moment kind of thing... an ongoing, up and down, weathering changing growing union.

   Abba, you took me on a ride of a lesson in this last month in which I learned that there are ways and levels I had not even gleaned that I could step into You with. Surrender often brings to mind sins or habits that distract, perhaps attitudes that continually cause regret... what if surrender also includes things that just are like daily habits or chores, or our selves... our physical needs like food and shelter.  What about our emotional and spiritual things? Our sense of worth and value, ways we manage things to keep an equilibrium both inside and out?

   So I want to use You and Your actions to show Your surrender to Abba.
   Okay why?
   Because surrender is not an option.
   Right.
   Nor is dependence.
   Umhmm, again why?
   Because relationship is what has always been desired... I hear that message throughout the whole bible! " I will be Your God and You will be my people...  I will remove your heart of stone and put in a heart of flesh... my Beloved... Return to Me and I will return to you... offer yourselves as a living sacrifice.... and this is eternal life that you would know (Me)".

   I look across the table at You and I wonder at what stirs within. I see and feel stuff in the story of the lives around me and it makes life become more tangible, with brighter color and the deepest of black contouring the edges of all the in between. I feel the desire to live bigger than myself and although I have no idea what that means or looks like it still is a reoccurring feeling that is very, very real for me. I think the closest I can come to it in words is that I desire to be more like You Sarayu... free in You. Yes that is it. The closer I get to that the more my life will spill over with color. You put Your hand down on the center of the table and slowly drag it back... what happens makes me smile and laugh so loud inside... there on the table is a smeared trail of many many colors. Hahahaha... I reach out and put my hand where Yours has been imitating You, smearing color towards me. You join in my delight and we hold onto each other paint smeared hand. Possible. Hmmm.