I don't know how to feel today... It is one of the first Sunday's in a while that I have felt so out of sorts. I used to feel like this all the time. Jesus I am kind of lost... enough that I don't even know what to talk about. How about You talk? Or we can meet and just share the silence together. 

   We are at the end of a long pier. There is built in seats along the railing but we climb up on the railing and sit down looking out across the water. The regular rhythm of the tide is nagging at the edge of our conscious awareness because our thoughts cast us out far... and wide... and deep. I know I am far too aware of myself, of spinning thoughts that circle and point to me, me, me. I am not happy here nor content. The crazy thing is I don't even really know what I am going on about yet it strands me on an island of discontent where the weeds of poor me grow strong and tall. I look over at You and want to ask... will You rescue me from here? Will You take me away from this place? Or do we need to talk about why I am here first? Your look is serious like You really want me to understand and know what You are about to say. Remember ... think about what I have been telling you lately. Well one of the strongest lessons is that under Your obvious authority and power we can exist in an almost unexplainable freedom that doesn't depend on circumstance or others or even ourselves.

...Sept 26/10 journal entry...