So I cannot put words to what plays havoc with my soul. What I felt while seeing another's pain... my heart ached.
   Seeing, hearing, being with... the beauty of courtship again. And the utter brokenness of separation even when there is just so many unknowns.
   How music cries out what our souls feel. And that the songs most beautiful are often the ones that sing of the deepest pain. That the one who hears the song ... really hears... is not 'normal'. They are understanding words and emotions experiences that have never been spoken by a mouth nor penned by a hand. They not only understand or hear but they share in what other's are saying in another language. So what is the burden of the hearer? To tell. To acknowledge. To love.
   Jesus I ache for You. If we were together right now where would we be? We would take a walk of remembrance.
Past the place on the beach where we sat in the night listening to the ocean.  
Looking back at the cove where we met and swam and talked along the ocean's edge.
Along the beach where we have spent time with others. 
Looking up seeing that cave in the cliff where we sat many times protected and safe. Where, only later, we stood on the top of the cliff feeling the wind and elements.
That spot where I walked in the waves to be with You, where I cried and You came to me and took me to be with You.
We walk by the fountain that we splashed and played with Rachael and You so tenderly washed my father.
There is a new hill top here to the east of the fountain... it looks down upon the treetops that hide the village. From here the green hides what is beneath it's color. It seems to say all is well ... beauty, health, life but I know that under it's branches runs a river of such deep pain and brokenness that it's almost hard to fathom that pain and beauty can exist so close together. Does the proclamation of the trees tell a lie then? No. It is the bigger truth; the reality of You and Hope. Of You and Life ... of the only kind of life that can bind and heal and grow us up out of the pain. You rescue and redeem. Hmmm. While sitting here looking ... I noticed I sat alone. Curious. But what I was looking at was the expression of You. Therefore we were both here after all. You make me smile. It's neat to see You big too.
journal entry... Sept 23/ 10