Meeting Jesus in the desert

Filling in the picture of my summer ... journal entry July 18/10

Hi Jesus... this morning, was again, a time redeemed and touched by Your hand.  Thank You, I know only You could have made this happen.  You are merciful and tender indeed.  We must have that soft spot in Your heart.  :)  Whew. 
How wild was it to have Don and Dorothy come for the morning service.  And even though it wasn't a full blown potluck ... how good and appropriate it was to share a 'little'.  Irma's testimony was so moving.  I could almost feel what she spoke about... literally screaming for You when she could not breathe.  Hmmmm.

So wanna hang out?  Yah I know.  :)

Where are we?  You know, it's kind of exciting to type those all too familiar words out anymore... cause I know that You come and take me.  I am... (think about that Reader)  coming to the place where I KNOW that when I ask that He faithfully takes me to be with Him. 
   I cannot see where we are because I cannot look away from Your face.  The music that rips through my soul and emotion comes out of the depth with which I want to love You.  I want to see and feel and KNOW and return the absolute look of love that You just are and radiate constantly.  If my love can reflect any of what I see then I am so thrilled.  Jesus I love You. 
  You put Your arms around me and pull me in... in Your way.  You hold my head against Yourself and it is as if time stands still for there is no rush for anything but to just be together.  We being to dance at times together and at times apart with abandon and in the light of life and love.  With arms out wide, we spin circles and throw our heads back to laugh the deep laugh of the soul. 
  As we walk out into a desert place I hang on Your arm and cannot seem to be close enough.  The sun is setting yet it holds a heat that relentlessly radiates out.  I hardly notice, however, for I am holding the hand of a Holy and Divine God.  The shadows eventually lengthen and a coolness starts to settle in.  We climb to the top of a great hill... the rock is very warm to the touch and so beautiful in it's orange and red hues.  We sit on it's smooth peak and again look out and soak up all that is being said by what we see.  The absolute stunning display of color across the sky, the moods of rock, cactus and scrub brush slowly losing their features in the blue black of dusk.  The soft sounds of the night starting to stir... a call, a howl... and that distinct and very real sound of silence.  As the night robs our sight of what surrounds us we lay on our backs to watch the sky.  You rest Your head on Your arms and I lay my head on You.  Together, we drink in the glorious display of the heavens.  Why the desert?  Why not?  True.  Lol.  You got to share a bit about the beauty of a desert place.. and then You got to see how your comment, you felt was so clumsily delivered, bloom and become seen by others.  Yah.  that was an extremely humbling honor, for I know she is not yet out of that desert place and to have the insight and conviction while there is definitely a touch of Your presence.

Meeting Jesus up in a tree

Journal entry July 17/10

Jesus here it is afternoon already but I know I need to connect with You even for a moment or two before I go any further.  I think I heard You, just now, with Bailey... thanks.  That little walk which was only a few minutes long meant alot to both of us.  I love You so so much.  I realize I need to hear alot from You and I have alot I need to talk out too but let's meet and see where it goes? 

Up in the top of one of the ancient and towering evergreens is where we are!  We share laughter for many reasons.  When we both finally stop chuckling a silence descends upon us as we look out.  Being way up here there is a moan and whistle to the soft wind that doesn't seem to stop.  The view makes me think big and then deep.  I am sitting on a branch and You come behind me, standing on another branch and kind of look over my shoulder.  We share what we see without words.  I close my eyes and experience the rush of all I feel well up.  I am aware of so much... the air carrying wafts of warm then cool ... the sounds of nature moving , rustling and calling.  The most significant one of course is You.  I feel You against my back and Your presence is always so many things all at once.  Strength, calm, love, passion, deep truth and reality.  It makes my senses swim in awe that You are so near. 

(later in the day)  Are we still here?  hmmm. Except now we are facing one another ... deep in conversation.

whoa... how does that work?  I SEE us talking but I don't hear what is said.  LOL... oh hang on... I do get it... it's what I have been feeling and experiencing all week... we are sharing and talking all the time and I am so crazy in love with You.  :)  This conversation is what frees me to be wholly Yours... free of my own selfishness and distraction...

Dear Reader...
In looking back over my summer, that has held such significance for me, I decided to gradually post other journals to fill in just how it became such an amazing season for me. Here is a entry from the beginning of July.

Hi Jesus... it's me, of course :) How was Your day? I am so glad I got to go to bible study today after all. I needed it. And the movie really reminded me to stop moping about and live and love life again ... yesh! Where have I been? I miss You in me. I miss really living. It has been all too easy to slip into my despairing melancholy of failing at life. Perhaps I need to quit being so determined to be a success. Ha. Jesus could You give me new eyes and a new heart and a deeper passion and focus that refuses to leave Your face? Ahhh... Jesus I cannot seem to settle down.. it's been a while since I have felt like this... I miss it. I feel like I want to go a hundred directions in the desire to just love You.

So where are we? In the middle of a field. The bearded barley is tall and we can run, fall, sit, and yet, when we get up and look around it's like no one has even touched it. So we run... with abandon! It's like when you are a kid and you get to be in a school after hours and that desire to just run as fast as you can down the deserted hallways wells up... the sound of your runners squeaking on the polished hallways that are only lit by the red light from the emergency exits and an occasional open door. There is something so grand about doing it! hahahahaha. We run with our arms outstretched , laughing with that same delight! The field that seemed so green and flat slowly rises up... the color is changing too. By the time we reach the top of the hill we are surrounded by a gold that is only outdone by the sun itself. It lights to a magical color a huge boulder. We climb up and sit, washed by the rays of light streaming down upon us. We close our eyes and lift our faces to receive it's warmth, it's touch. I have been feeling so needy lately I haven't been where I need to be. Next to You. Without a look You reach over and hold my hand I grab on so grateful for Your mercy. My heart is so full of love for You. I rest on You and relish the moment of just being with You. I can picture Deb here. She walks toward us through the golden barley that is so crazy high. She gets to our boulder and reaches up her hand, with her beautiful smile beaming. We each grab a hand and hoist her up easily. She sits between us and lets out a deep sigh.