Dear Reader... this is a journal entry from way back, on the 10th of November. There are a few reasons I want to post this. I heard an echo of this in my journal this morning and it reinforced to me the need for taking time just to be with Jesus without an agenda.

Hey Jesus, I know I have taken a long time to come to You. I am not sure why since I've been talking to You so much during the days. But I have been frozen too... the reaction of being overwhelmed when I am not sure why. I am not sure that I am. The overload may be more so, that I know You are showing me something that feels like it has ALOT of weight and significance, and with that first 'ahhh' I'm almost scared to look because I know it is going to be a flood???? (insecure?)
I am also a little curious... yesterday I was looking at what I have been doing for a while now. I have been literally crying out to be with You all day. The hunger for You is heavy in my chest... I literally ache for wanting You. Okay. So I was thinking... what of that? Is that You? I mean, I know I am to want You and desire to be spending all my time with You... but am I also receiving You as You want me to? You know what I mean? Of course You do, lol! Yes, crying out is good but what am I to do with that? Is this time showing me the depth of my need for You?

Jesus I am back, and although it is a different day I want to pick up where we were last night. How do we do that? Am I stalling at a step? I am already working quickly within you... do you need to rush through voicing your need and desire of Me? No. I say again, no. I am always in that state of dependence and need! Hmmmm. There is a real gift in it, isn't there. :) In my deepest parts and in my time of deepest need... it is YOU that I am calling out for. For only You can fill that need. In hearing it voiced, even with my own voice, I am claiming that spot for You alone. To let another or any thing try to fill it would not be allowed, without such an outcry from my being. On a mental, emotional and spiritual level I would know it as an impostor. I am learning to let You have control. I am learning to let You be real while here in this confusing (realm) that is constantly crying out for you... from creation to created.