Dearest Reader,
   There is something I need to give witness to.  When I take time to do my 'inner work' which is centered in giving time and attention to God in His Triune-ness.  I so often brush against the difference between my little self (or ego) and my true self.  In seeing and feeling that experience a freedom invariably comes available to me of which I can partake (or, sadly, refuse).  Knowing my little ways allows me to step back from them or be somewhat removed from their automatic reactions at which point I can choose to allow my True self to step forward and act. It's kinda surreal and it tastes so sweet.  

Journal entry... June 20/17

   Jesus, I return to the river... again.
   You invite me to jump up on Your back, so I do.  I kind of rest my head on Your shoulder as I helplessly contemplate repeatedly what is and what might be and all the hurdles I keep placing in front of myself.  I as of late have been so decidedly narcissistic that it makes my head spin.  Literally.
   And so I close my eyes.  I am not alone when I am with You.  I will do what You ask me to hopefully with a swiftness and joy I guess I need to figure out these hurdles I keep smashing into with the hopes of leaving them behind.
 
   You start to walk.  I feel Your arms tighten each time Your foot rolls on a rock or sinks in the silt. Relaxing just a quickly when  balance is restored... well that's interesting, I didn't need to react when those moments came and went, instead I could observe and experience and in my continued hold and being held by You I knew I was okay with no need to fear.