On the corner of a building

  
   So let's meet on the corner of a building ... on the roof with our feet hanging over. It is again late afternoon evening and the warmth of the low sun is felt on my skin. Jesus. I pull my legs up and lay down on my side and put my head on Your lap. I feel small and I feel the deep need of wanting to be taken care of. I am afraid, I am anticipating (to much probably)and I want this situation to be taken away from me and of it being my responsibility. I close my eyes and almost hold my breath waiting.
 
Would I arrange something you are not ready for?
  No. But You could make me ready just in that moment and that is scary too. 
Isn't it scarier to be somewhere I am not putting you?
  Yes. That would be very horrible. But why this? Why this situation of my life?
Isn't it one that is relevant?
  Yes. 
Have you done what I have asked of you?
  No.
How do I work with disobedience? With refusal?
  The situation doesn't get healed.
And it's not you that is really suffering is it?
  No not really because I had no clue really why it happened in the first place.  Well I need to obey...
Yes. 
   ...I can't say sorry enough times. 
Yes you can, it's only the one sorry that leads to obedience that is really necessary. 

Journal excerpt... 2008... spending time in the city

a deeper insight into the city

 
   Oh Jesus that was so cool!  There I was sitting in a meeting talking about that verse in Galatians 4 where the Galatians are returning to be enslaved by the law when... BAM! You bring to mind, so strongly, the picture of our meeting in the city where all of a sudden I was afraid of the dark but then I wanted to go out of the city (with it's lights) into the wilderness.  To go into the country because I was  more used to that than the city. Wow! 
   And I thought, yup, it's just like that. Why would I leave where Jesus has brought me except in fear of the unknown ... to go to what I understand and know ... not where it is better or safer or even more comfortable but just to what I know and understand and well... that which is my bubble really. And writing this out and after that revelation I was so relieved that I stayed in the city with You instead of leaving. So very glad. But how did You keep me in the city. I was so clueless as to why we were there.  Huh. 

exploring the city

    ...So are we still in the city with Rachael? 
 
   I think this is a day to explore!!!! Let's walk down the streets ... Rachael is on Your shoulders laughing and holding a balloon. We walk down the street that was on our left going back into the heart of the city. The light of the day is new and fresh... the sun rising and ever gaining it's strength. It is the light that often washes things of the ordinary with gold. There are now trees planted along the sidewalks they are tall and thin, a regal kind of beauty.  I can't think of what kind of tree it is but we are coming up to the center of the city.... it is breath taking! 
   I see a pool and fountain that is in the center, surrounded by blocks of grass and trees ... at first they are shade trees but when it gets closer to the pool there are stickpin trees that give importance and grandeur.  Steps lead up to the pool but the pool is not right away there is yet more land surrounding it.  Patterned brick work leads to the center pool.  The grass sections here are such a brilliant green and are calling, no begging, to be run on. There are four gazebo type structures around the pool that are made of huge timbers and delicate fabric hanging with vines climbing ever upwards giving scents and shade. 
   It is here that we stand, all of us hand in hand, just looking and taking it all in. We are washed with a reverence... a love and awe of You... Oh Father be praised and loved by us... Oh Holy Spirit thank You for leading us and doing battle for us... Oh Jesus I cannot tell You just how much I love and appreciate all You have done and continue to do, blessing us with Your love and mercy. Everything is way beyond what we deserve (which is nothing) You are a God of example.  We now go laughing and running into the pool, splashing each other while we run and swim. All of us are in a state of such happiness and joy, peace and delight. How cool. 
   We are now laying on our backs with our heads together looking up into the sky watching the clouds and feeling the deep heat of the sun as it dries us. 

   Well my time is up my family awakens and the day is into full swing. I will continue to thank You for this time, for this experience. Thank You. I love You with all I am. I give You myself completely again for this day. I love You so deeply and I want to love You even more please help me get there.