Morning Jesus, I realize alot of things are true and alot are not. I realize while some things are eternal, I am still stuck in the temporal. I realize that there are some things I can never seem to find words for and they are often the things I wish I could spend most of my life immersed in... emotion thick enough in the reality of You that I could scoop up a handful of it and watch it slowly drip between my fingers. I continue to wrestle with just how much of You I can have while still here on earth. 

   There is no darkness that is greater than Your light. 

   Where will we meet Jesus?

Jesus it is much later and I know I only have a few minutes but I needed to come anyways. I have been thinking about You. I would love to meet. Earlier when I typed that what I thought of was... right where you are. And so I went ahead with the daily activities thinking of You. Jesus I think the thing I want most is to always be in Your presence and to always feel that connection with You. The wonderful ache of loving You and being loved by You. If we were together right now and right here I would want to hear You.... I would breathe in deep to see if I could catch a scent of You. I would feel Your hands on mine on this keyboard. 
journal excerpt... Nov. 11/10

   Half the day is gone Jesus but a thought won't leave me.  

   Okay a while back, just after moving here, I remember the night where I asked if I could smell You. It made You laugh but here's what. Since that night I have had two specific times where I know I smelled Your presence. I know that will sound most bizarre to whoever might read this but...  it's real. I believe it was linked to meeting someone and touching them, once a hug and once a handshake, but after a significant amount of time, when I smelled that scent,  it was not them I instantly thought about ... it was You. It was one of those powerful and almost too overwhelming to comprehend moments when I realized it was You, because what basis do I have for that? So for my mind to wrap itself around that left me reeling. I have missed meeting You (with my senses) I really have. 
   Another moment caught me off guard when I was talking to Shauna. I was recalling Brother Lawrence and the fact that You would literally show him a future situation You were sending him into so that he would confidently do it with absolutely no worry... that linked also with Daniel and how the progression of Your relationship led him to actually meeting You, hearing You and being touched by You. So in awe I was saying whoa why can't we be like that?  I think about that now and wonder how do I forget what You do for me? With me?  How about when we love others with Your love and perhaps in not being able to comprehend it logically we don't realize just how miraculous it is... how close the supernatural is... The smell experience also reminds me of how You are really there in others. Huh.  
excerpt from journal entry... Nov 8/11