All about me... again

Dearest Reader,
   After writing today I again took time to look at previous 'meetings'.  I was struck with how close it mirrored this day.  Yes there is so much that is cyclical in life, (which is good and necessary or just is) but I also think some cycles are crying out to be broken and perhaps it begins the day you realize what pattern you are in.

June 15/16 journal entry...

    Although the wind is against me I really want to make this an art day.  My lowest expectation or goal is for an hour, anything more is astonishing.  Inside I already feel defeat, it feels like a murky gray with a dampening black swirling throughout it.  It makes me sit on the nearest rock and close my eyes.  I feel it seep into my skin and so I breathe long and slow through my nostrils and watching it's vapor come out.

   My 'You' eyes remind me that this is a perfectly acceptable place to begin today.  In the place where I can't.  Embrace it.

   This is going to be hard... my mind already has a list of other things I could do or even want to do. They are largely things that would make me 'feel' better.

   I don't know where we are Jesus and I clearly am not here for You... but I would like to change that.  I can start this without even moving... well except for a smile on my lips.  I rest my hand on Your leg, leaning on Your shoulder.

   I sing for You Jesus, with notes that rip the air like paper.  The light drips at it's edges and land all around and on us.  A harmony slips in like ink touching water... so silky and subtle but it adds color to the air we breathe.  I sadly admit I am still being narissistic but I want to make it into an offering to You.