... journal excerpt... Dec 30/11
I want to experiment today again to strive to do nothing except for You and in love to You. To have You as my only motive. The other thing that Frank has got me wondering about is the minute game. Please teach me how I can continually return my thoughts to You. It kinda got me wondering about Leviticus and the 'down to the last detail' instructions You gave for the tabernacle construction and then carrying out of sacrifices and offerings of the role of the priests etc. Was this You playing the minute game with us before we had the Holy Spirit residing within us all? I think of how in Acts You made it clear to Peter that all things were clean or how You explained that it wasn't what we ate that made us unclean but what came out of the heart that made us unclean. You taught that before the Holy Spirit came... but hang on...You were in that role even though You were in human form just then weren't You... it was all over Your teachings and maybe that was part of the reason You also only spoke what You heard from the Father (like the Holy Spirit does now). Interesting.
I enjoy You Jesus... shall we go to work? Your call... :)
Had a brilliant time in my shop but a quick stop when my insert got split in two by the router bit ... perhaps we did enough work for one day? hahaha
...Again just a real good day. I know I haven't done overly well at the game of minutes but I will press on to increase it until I hope it becomes a way of being. I thought of You Father, at the table You showed me the other night. Days like today make me yearn to sit down with You and talk and talk. I spill out what I think I am picking up from You, sharing it with others but then wait with only moderate patience to hear back ... to get a conversation going. I would not have to wait at Your table. Perhaps I need to learn to come to You first again.
Can we sit together now?
A quiet chuckle shakes You as You motion with Your hand for me to come and sit. Your eyes are so bright and engaging. They draw me in immediately and make me wonder what You are thinking but not with anxiousness but with anticipation. Without conscious thought we sit leaning towards one another expectant but comfortable as we take one another in. After only a few moments however I reach out with my hand longing to touch Your face. Your face lights up even more with my touch and we both share some very freeing laughter. You are so captivating.
A good thing I'd say since it is you that I want.
Hmmm. I know what he (Frank Lambach) was talking about in those letters ... that discontent, no, a disgust really with the ever consuming spiral of self. I really need to learn to see don't I.
Your wasteland was different this time wasn't it.
Yes. I wasn't completely ruled by self like my abrupt lent lesson, thus I wasn't drawn in to a cycle of guilt. Yet I wasn't actively seeking You like I should have been. So I found that I was kind of dead inside. Lost. Yet I don't regret going through that because You have touched it with redemption... I have learned another realization.
My identity doesn't depend on what I do it is who I am in You.
Two things come to mind, first Brad's comment on asking You to help him be his true self and he was most himself when loving others. The second was the absolute and total contrast of being my true self and the lifeless me in the wasteland. And the fact that it happened in the simple act of offering to put on the coffee lids for that lady in the motel. I offered because I wanted to love her ... simply. All this isn't a new lesson and yet it is because at a new layer it means deeper things.
Thanks Abba Father.
Hmmm... I love you little One.
Haha You must, there is no other explanation. I'm 41 and there is just so much I am only getting now... it's crazy. Would You help me finish well?
I would be delighted to.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
let me love You
...journal entry continued...
It's still me ... lol... this day is taking many a turn and I have to say it is a good day. For You are here. I just want to do something for You Jesus. Love You in a way You created me to. We are on our couch and the couch is in the river but not to far out lol. You are laying with Your head in my lap and it is me that is stroking Your hair now. Your one leg hangs over the end of the couch and the other is right in the water. Your eyes are closed but I know You are just so aware of everything... and don't think I missed that smile that just flashed across Your face. I rest one hand on Your chest another on Your head and for a moment lean my head back against the couch and close my eyes to soak up the deep heat of the sun. The babbling water reminds me of just how good and sweet it's feel is.
You know how crazy I am about You right?
Umhmm
...and then I feel Your hand upon mine. I open my eyes and look at You again. I start stroking Your hair again and then trace with my finger along Your forehead, temple and Your cheek. You open Your eyes then and we look at one another. It is absolutely a miracle just how much can be said with only a look.
The gift of presence. That has got to be one of Your strongest traits Jesus. While I ache for it I also desparately want to be just like You in this. I want to give this to everyone around me as naturally as breathing. I would love to be just like You. My smile is wistful is longing but as my eyes return to Yours Your smile dazzles me and we end up laughing together. You are just so sweet... Jesus.
It's still me ... lol... this day is taking many a turn and I have to say it is a good day. For You are here. I just want to do something for You Jesus. Love You in a way You created me to. We are on our couch and the couch is in the river but not to far out lol. You are laying with Your head in my lap and it is me that is stroking Your hair now. Your one leg hangs over the end of the couch and the other is right in the water. Your eyes are closed but I know You are just so aware of everything... and don't think I missed that smile that just flashed across Your face. I rest one hand on Your chest another on Your head and for a moment lean my head back against the couch and close my eyes to soak up the deep heat of the sun. The babbling water reminds me of just how good and sweet it's feel is. You know how crazy I am about You right?
Umhmm
...and then I feel Your hand upon mine. I open my eyes and look at You again. I start stroking Your hair again and then trace with my finger along Your forehead, temple and Your cheek. You open Your eyes then and we look at one another. It is absolutely a miracle just how much can be said with only a look.
The gift of presence. That has got to be one of Your strongest traits Jesus. While I ache for it I also desparately want to be just like You in this. I want to give this to everyone around me as naturally as breathing. I would love to be just like You. My smile is wistful is longing but as my eyes return to Yours Your smile dazzles me and we end up laughing together. You are just so sweet... Jesus.
Monday, April 30, 2012
my undefined calling
journal entry... Dec. 6/11
So Jesus I don't know where to begin actually. I feel very full. An echo of yesterday but more defined somehow... It's like catching a thought that fills me with such an abundance of hope, excitement and delight. That there is a defined purpose in the bigger picture ... for me. Yet are there words for it?
What if I actually learn to be so filled with You that I love like You. What if that is all I do? There would really be no tangible things of note or accomplishments to point at or even words to define me. Because in so many ways Your love is beyond definition... and I really think that it isn't what we do that is important but how we do it (which in essense is - who we are).
If my life is defined by the undefinable even that itself becomes a hope to those of us who don't get that very clear call from God. We all know that fire and passion that comes from the one called and pursuing what they what feel and hear and know. What delight in being near someone like that ... inspiring indeed. But if you are like me and the call isn't in words take heart there is just so much more to Abba Father, Jesus, and the sweet Holy Spirit.
The questions I ask are going to be different or take a different slant now. For what You are leading me into is literally a moment to moment thing. That doesn't exist outside of You. How's that for a sweet catch? A Holy twist? Most appropriate I say. For what leading of His would exclude His very presence to carry it out... it is only us who forget this and at times try to run and manage it with our own heart and effort and to our own logic.
You know what I'd think is funny (interesting)... Jesus, if You asked me to write all these years that I have been, only to make one statement that, ultimately, was to love just one person... I think that'd be a really beautiful picture of You. There is no seeming end to which You will go to love Your beloved... including talking for years and years so just at that right moment the heart of Your beloved would be opened up and they'd meet You. They would experience the love that has gone through hell and highwater to reach them. You are the ultimate romancer... Your Words, only truth and dripping with love. Yet somehow Your essence of Holiness and justice, mercy and righteousness are woven in and it covers us with a blanket of security and assurance that You are I AM. And is it not ironic that it is often not as clearly defined in the smaller picture but absolutely breathtaking when our eyes are opened to it in the (much) bigger picture.
My chest aches with You. For You. Please help me and draw near.
So Jesus I don't know where to begin actually. I feel very full. An echo of yesterday but more defined somehow... It's like catching a thought that fills me with such an abundance of hope, excitement and delight. That there is a defined purpose in the bigger picture ... for me. Yet are there words for it?
What if I actually learn to be so filled with You that I love like You. What if that is all I do? There would really be no tangible things of note or accomplishments to point at or even words to define me. Because in so many ways Your love is beyond definition... and I really think that it isn't what we do that is important but how we do it (which in essense is - who we are).
If my life is defined by the undefinable even that itself becomes a hope to those of us who don't get that very clear call from God. We all know that fire and passion that comes from the one called and pursuing what they what feel and hear and know. What delight in being near someone like that ... inspiring indeed. But if you are like me and the call isn't in words take heart there is just so much more to Abba Father, Jesus, and the sweet Holy Spirit.
The questions I ask are going to be different or take a different slant now. For what You are leading me into is literally a moment to moment thing. That doesn't exist outside of You. How's that for a sweet catch? A Holy twist? Most appropriate I say. For what leading of His would exclude His very presence to carry it out... it is only us who forget this and at times try to run and manage it with our own heart and effort and to our own logic.
You know what I'd think is funny (interesting)... Jesus, if You asked me to write all these years that I have been, only to make one statement that, ultimately, was to love just one person... I think that'd be a really beautiful picture of You. There is no seeming end to which You will go to love Your beloved... including talking for years and years so just at that right moment the heart of Your beloved would be opened up and they'd meet You. They would experience the love that has gone through hell and highwater to reach them. You are the ultimate romancer... Your Words, only truth and dripping with love. Yet somehow Your essence of Holiness and justice, mercy and righteousness are woven in and it covers us with a blanket of security and assurance that You are I AM. And is it not ironic that it is often not as clearly defined in the smaller picture but absolutely breathtaking when our eyes are opened to it in the (much) bigger picture.
My chest aches with You. For You. Please help me and draw near.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Back on the cliff
Dec 5/11, Journal Entry.....
Again You draw me into You.
Jesus... I miss You. But what we have is still so sweet I would not wish to not have that either because I am learning to be who I really am.
Sometimes I am left reeling at the pain of another... I said a statement to You this morning that things just seemed too good and it brought the sting of tears. How come I am allowed this experience of peace and delight, really. Especially while here.
Another thought is just how freeing it is and an honor to just love another to love another. In other words with no other motive than to just love. I guess it would be loving them just because I love You and in that case, that smacks of You completely. Nice ... now I am wondering how many people I can do that with at once until it becomes just how I am. Or, perhaps, finally becoming who You intended me to be all along. I was always drawn, even real young, to love those no one else seemed to see or want around. Sadly I wasn't strong enough to do that well at all and that made my attempts sad at best and although I hate to think about it... perhaps I did more damage than not trying at all. Will never know that however and I won't carry that ... it's Yours, sorry about that.
Jesus any chance we could meet on the cliff side?
I hear Your laughter beside me and feel Your arm pull me closer till I am right alongside You. You are just so at ease that I cannot help but feel that for myself. There is a slight breeze that brings the scent of many things. The smell of heat radiating off the rocks... the smell of the woods and their whisperings.
Sometimes I am left reeling at the pain of another... I said a statement to You this morning that things just seemed too good and it brought the sting of tears. How come I am allowed this experience of peace and delight, really. Especially while here.
Another thought is just how freeing it is and an honor to just love another to love another. In other words with no other motive than to just love. I guess it would be loving them just because I love You and in that case, that smacks of You completely. Nice ... now I am wondering how many people I can do that with at once until it becomes just how I am. Or, perhaps, finally becoming who You intended me to be all along. I was always drawn, even real young, to love those no one else seemed to see or want around. Sadly I wasn't strong enough to do that well at all and that made my attempts sad at best and although I hate to think about it... perhaps I did more damage than not trying at all. Will never know that however and I won't carry that ... it's Yours, sorry about that.
Jesus any chance we could meet on the cliff side?
I hear Your laughter beside me and feel Your arm pull me closer till I am right alongside You. You are just so at ease that I cannot help but feel that for myself. There is a slight breeze that brings the scent of many things. The smell of heat radiating off the rocks... the smell of the woods and their whisperings.
The tops of the trees we look down on are close enough that I cannot help but marvel at them from this perspective. We can also see our river snaking along the valley and the odd time I think I can almost hear it's laughter. Off to the left I can see our couch sitting curiously alongside the river and I see that our rock and paint message is a complete reflection of light. The wood and rock sun flips from the painted light of yellows and blues.
Behind the couch leading off the shore is the trail that goes into the wood, the wood that the river hides behind. It's pretty cool to see something I experienced with You from this distance. It's makes me think about just how little we see when we are in the midst of situation. Not capable of entertaining the thought of how a moment can play into a much bigger plan or picture. Like my tears yesterday I was humbled and very much disciplined for my handling of a conversation. Left with frustration and .... but You gave me tools. You gave me perspective with words between us from my own journals. Does it really matter if no one understands you... and the challenge of motives or the reason behind the frustration. So I took that, complete with the reality of my emotion, into a second chance... the meeting last night. There is an accompanying relief in it all, a certainty of Your presence, in that I am learning, or trying to, as I bumble along.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
A new view
Dec 3/11... journal entry
Okay my coffee was hot 15 minutes ago when I first sat down lol... should have hid in my room longer this morning!
I'm back... gotta love microwaves!
Jesus I love You. Thought I better put that out there right away. I love how every time I take a bit of time to myself... I am drawn very quickly to You instead. Our meetings in these last days have been staying with me ... calling me back. This is all the more sweeter in the fact that in the exact same situation before last lent I felt the extent of my selfishness and moaned over it yet couldn't break free at all. Therefore I know by experience that where I am today is due to Your mercy and presence in me. I revel in that... like the sip of a long awaited drink that not only exceeds your anticipation but awakens all your senses in delight.... and time slows down.
So I will be walking into one of my most dreaded scenarios today ... shopping and spending money yikes. I dread it every time. So my Jesus please fill me ridiculously full and give me a way to engage and be very present for my kids and be able to creatively look at and handle all that comes my way.
You are so sweet.
I want one day to be able to express what has been waiting for so long to be unleashed within... big creativity. Abstract combined with objects in light.
We are south of the river today and we are climbing. Up and up we go on earth padded heavily with moss, it is just a game trail we follow. This place makes me feel alive. Trees and the woods in general are just so full of possibilities and emotion. Secrets and the rarely seen that even when glimpsed changes so easily in different lights. I walk drinking in all I can.
Eventually I see more light filtering in up ahead and know we are almost out of the heavy wood. It is almost a shock to the senses to have the landscape change so dramatically, so immediately. We are now at the bottom of a rock slide area that is filled with shale and in contrast massive boulders of rock that leave the imagination reeling on what sound they would have made coming down. We climb just as ways more and there is a ledge that invites us to stay and look. You sit first and immediately draw up Your knees and lean back against the cliff face behind us. You don't look at me and that makes me quickly want to settle to take in what You are seeing. As soon as I settle down crossing my legs in anticipation of being here a while I am caught by what meets my eyes.
We are just high enough to see a wild and panoramic view of where we have been the last few days. Hmmm.
Okay my coffee was hot 15 minutes ago when I first sat down lol... should have hid in my room longer this morning!
I'm back... gotta love microwaves!
Jesus I love You. Thought I better put that out there right away. I love how every time I take a bit of time to myself... I am drawn very quickly to You instead. Our meetings in these last days have been staying with me ... calling me back. This is all the more sweeter in the fact that in the exact same situation before last lent I felt the extent of my selfishness and moaned over it yet couldn't break free at all. Therefore I know by experience that where I am today is due to Your mercy and presence in me. I revel in that... like the sip of a long awaited drink that not only exceeds your anticipation but awakens all your senses in delight.... and time slows down.
So I will be walking into one of my most dreaded scenarios today ... shopping and spending money yikes. I dread it every time. So my Jesus please fill me ridiculously full and give me a way to engage and be very present for my kids and be able to creatively look at and handle all that comes my way.
You are so sweet.
I want one day to be able to express what has been waiting for so long to be unleashed within... big creativity. Abstract combined with objects in light.
We are south of the river today and we are climbing. Up and up we go on earth padded heavily with moss, it is just a game trail we follow. This place makes me feel alive. Trees and the woods in general are just so full of possibilities and emotion. Secrets and the rarely seen that even when glimpsed changes so easily in different lights. I walk drinking in all I can.
Eventually I see more light filtering in up ahead and know we are almost out of the heavy wood. It is almost a shock to the senses to have the landscape change so dramatically, so immediately. We are now at the bottom of a rock slide area that is filled with shale and in contrast massive boulders of rock that leave the imagination reeling on what sound they would have made coming down. We climb just as ways more and there is a ledge that invites us to stay and look. You sit first and immediately draw up Your knees and lean back against the cliff face behind us. You don't look at me and that makes me quickly want to settle to take in what You are seeing. As soon as I settle down crossing my legs in anticipation of being here a while I am caught by what meets my eyes.
We are just high enough to see a wild and panoramic view of where we have been the last few days. Hmmm.
Monday, April 23, 2012
a girl, a couch and painted light
Journal entry of Dec 2 and it is banquet night. Pretty pleased all around I feel no striving just a desire to be about You tonight and be You, in love, to all I come to connect with. Holy God have Your hand upon it all, Holy Spirit breathe into us all...
I was reading just now but I couldn't get yesterday's time in the wood out of my mind and I am drawn back to You. To see what and where we end up today. :) You are much more addicting (love that). So this lamp that keeps showing up is so intriguing. I love it in image and what it could be saying without words. Hmmm.
Hey do we have or need to have anyone with us today? My lift my face to Yours lighting up with excitement. We are sitting on our couch and I hear some rocks rattling and look behind me to see someone coming along the river's edge towards us. I jump up thrilled and know that You are standing in anticipation too. With reserve, she continue towards us mostly looking at the ground. I cannot wait and as quietly as I can I move towards her. When I meet her I reach out my hands to her shoulders and wait for her to lift her eyes to mine and say Welcome with as much of my heart as I can. I put my arm in hers and we now walk towards You and I motion for her to join us.
She carefully doesn't make eye contact with You but I see all Your emotion written clearly on Your face and it just runs so very deep for her. We all sit quietly for a real long time ... listening to the water and all it's conversations. Everytime she adjusts on the couch I notice she gets a little closer to You and that makes me smile... I understand that all too well. Pretty soon You open Your arms to her inviting... she looks up into Your face finally and watches You for quite some time, I cannot begin to fathom all that rages within her. But You and Your love win out when I see that silent tear slide down her cheek and she moves not only to be in Your arms but climbs right onto Your lap resting her head just below Your chin on Your chest. You hold her firmly and I watch as she literally relaxes ... it's like all anxiety and fear, worry and self loathing are not only not needed here but are not allowed and it drains away as her.
I suppose that You will hold her for a long time as she finally rests so I move off the couch to allow You to snuggle with her better. I sit down on the ground right in front of the couch so my back is as close as possible to You both. As You whisper and rock Your sweet one I quietly pick up rock after rock and with only a touch I am able to paint them. Touching a splash of paint or covering it entirely ... with so many shades of yellow contrasted with the complimentary color of many blues cause shape and emotion to start forming around both of You and the couch. After much time I stand back to see the light of the lamp spilling onto the ground before it has even been turned on... cool. The last vestiges of light bounce of the paint giving it a life of it's own and I catch You looking at me with a twinkle in Your eye which I respond to with a huge smile knowing You feel how overwhelmed with love I am for You. I cover You both up with a blanket and pause to touch her on the shoulder to somehow give her my love too. I settle back down on the ground at the one end of the couch by the lamp. Knowing the light will turn on in only a matter of minutes as the day slips away once again.
I was reading just now but I couldn't get yesterday's time in the wood out of my mind and I am drawn back to You. To see what and where we end up today. :) You are much more addicting (love that). So this lamp that keeps showing up is so intriguing. I love it in image and what it could be saying without words. Hmmm.
Hey do we have or need to have anyone with us today? My lift my face to Yours lighting up with excitement. We are sitting on our couch and I hear some rocks rattling and look behind me to see someone coming along the river's edge towards us. I jump up thrilled and know that You are standing in anticipation too. With reserve, she continue towards us mostly looking at the ground. I cannot wait and as quietly as I can I move towards her. When I meet her I reach out my hands to her shoulders and wait for her to lift her eyes to mine and say Welcome with as much of my heart as I can. I put my arm in hers and we now walk towards You and I motion for her to join us.
She carefully doesn't make eye contact with You but I see all Your emotion written clearly on Your face and it just runs so very deep for her. We all sit quietly for a real long time ... listening to the water and all it's conversations. Everytime she adjusts on the couch I notice she gets a little closer to You and that makes me smile... I understand that all too well. Pretty soon You open Your arms to her inviting... she looks up into Your face finally and watches You for quite some time, I cannot begin to fathom all that rages within her. But You and Your love win out when I see that silent tear slide down her cheek and she moves not only to be in Your arms but climbs right onto Your lap resting her head just below Your chin on Your chest. You hold her firmly and I watch as she literally relaxes ... it's like all anxiety and fear, worry and self loathing are not only not needed here but are not allowed and it drains away as her.
I suppose that You will hold her for a long time as she finally rests so I move off the couch to allow You to snuggle with her better. I sit down on the ground right in front of the couch so my back is as close as possible to You both. As You whisper and rock Your sweet one I quietly pick up rock after rock and with only a touch I am able to paint them. Touching a splash of paint or covering it entirely ... with so many shades of yellow contrasted with the complimentary color of many blues cause shape and emotion to start forming around both of You and the couch. After much time I stand back to see the light of the lamp spilling onto the ground before it has even been turned on... cool. The last vestiges of light bounce of the paint giving it a life of it's own and I catch You looking at me with a twinkle in Your eye which I respond to with a huge smile knowing You feel how overwhelmed with love I am for You. I cover You both up with a blanket and pause to touch her on the shoulder to somehow give her my love too. I settle back down on the ground at the one end of the couch by the lamp. Knowing the light will turn on in only a matter of minutes as the day slips away once again.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Meeting Jesus in the wood with a lamp
...journal entry... Dec 1/11
Hey Jesus it is me. What a day. The only words I have for it is this... I love You and even though each time I am hit with the immensity of how much I do... I wonder also if it isn't more and more each time? How can it not be?
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus... Hmmm.
We are along the edge of a deep and very old forest... How curious is it that we have been ending up farther from the city lately? The river is close enough that I can hear it but I cannot see it. We must be near the edge of this wood because the light is still quite bright. I am standing upon the stump of an old, old tree that has been cut off about five feet above the ground. Wow, it is hard to collect my thoughts quick enough to write...
At first You are below me on the ground watching me and laughing with me. I send up a big ol whoop and then as I start looking around I stretch my arms out wide and start singing again. Suddenly You are on a stump a ways away and have joined in with me but it is You singing melody this time and I get to sing harmony ... ahhh... so sweet. Needed that. I jump down and walk up to the stump closest to You... I climb up and sit on it continuing to join in with Your song. You sit down now too and we are close enough to almost touch. We sing to one another and I notice that a hush has descended around us. Which makes every note You sing even more true and sweet.
I slide off the stump now and lie down on the mossy ground littered with leaves of many colors. Quietly, You join me. We look up at the stark shapes and outlines of the trees against the sky which is gradually changing color. As day goes down to night something emerges from deeper in the wood. It is a lamp giving off that warm, yellow light that is very recognizable. I roll over on my stomach resting my head on my hands and I look to see what effect the light has on everything around it. All of a sudden what would be a source of fear... an unknown or looming shape in the dark becomes interesting, warm... even safe. As with the light of a sunrise, this light too, transforms the ordinary into deep beauty. It calls and invites. Even though I am quite a distance away I see that the smallest piece of light has managed to just barely touch the lump of moss right at my fingertips. I touch it and pause. I look up into Your face which is lit ever so slightly from the light... You are just so there... how could we not see You? A soft smile lights up Your eyes and as You lean on one arm watching me. I am overwhelmed by Your gentleness and the purity of all You give.
Hey Jesus it is me. What a day. The only words I have for it is this... I love You and even though each time I am hit with the immensity of how much I do... I wonder also if it isn't more and more each time? How can it not be?
Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus... Hmmm.
We are along the edge of a deep and very old forest... How curious is it that we have been ending up farther from the city lately? The river is close enough that I can hear it but I cannot see it. We must be near the edge of this wood because the light is still quite bright. I am standing upon the stump of an old, old tree that has been cut off about five feet above the ground. Wow, it is hard to collect my thoughts quick enough to write...
At first You are below me on the ground watching me and laughing with me. I send up a big ol whoop and then as I start looking around I stretch my arms out wide and start singing again. Suddenly You are on a stump a ways away and have joined in with me but it is You singing melody this time and I get to sing harmony ... ahhh... so sweet. Needed that. I jump down and walk up to the stump closest to You... I climb up and sit on it continuing to join in with Your song. You sit down now too and we are close enough to almost touch. We sing to one another and I notice that a hush has descended around us. Which makes every note You sing even more true and sweet.
I slide off the stump now and lie down on the mossy ground littered with leaves of many colors. Quietly, You join me. We look up at the stark shapes and outlines of the trees against the sky which is gradually changing color. As day goes down to night something emerges from deeper in the wood. It is a lamp giving off that warm, yellow light that is very recognizable. I roll over on my stomach resting my head on my hands and I look to see what effect the light has on everything around it. All of a sudden what would be a source of fear... an unknown or looming shape in the dark becomes interesting, warm... even safe. As with the light of a sunrise, this light too, transforms the ordinary into deep beauty. It calls and invites. Even though I am quite a distance away I see that the smallest piece of light has managed to just barely touch the lump of moss right at my fingertips. I touch it and pause. I look up into Your face which is lit ever so slightly from the light... You are just so there... how could we not see You? A soft smile lights up Your eyes and as You lean on one arm watching me. I am overwhelmed by Your gentleness and the purity of all You give.
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