On the corner of a building

  
   So let's meet on the corner of a building ... on the roof with our feet hanging over. It is again late afternoon evening and the warmth of the low sun is felt on my skin. Jesus. I pull my legs up and lay down on my side and put my head on Your lap. I feel small and I feel the deep need of wanting to be taken care of. I am afraid, I am anticipating (to much probably)and I want this situation to be taken away from me and of it being my responsibility. I close my eyes and almost hold my breath waiting.
 
Would I arrange something you are not ready for?
  No. But You could make me ready just in that moment and that is scary too. 
Isn't it scarier to be somewhere I am not putting you?
  Yes. That would be very horrible. But why this? Why this situation of my life?
Isn't it one that is relevant?
  Yes. 
Have you done what I have asked of you?
  No.
How do I work with disobedience? With refusal?
  The situation doesn't get healed.
And it's not you that is really suffering is it?
  No not really because I had no clue really why it happened in the first place.  Well I need to obey...
Yes. 
   ...I can't say sorry enough times. 
Yes you can, it's only the one sorry that leads to obedience that is really necessary. 

Journal excerpt... 2008... spending time in the city

a deeper insight into the city

 
   Oh Jesus that was so cool!  There I was sitting in a meeting talking about that verse in Galatians 4 where the Galatians are returning to be enslaved by the law when... BAM! You bring to mind, so strongly, the picture of our meeting in the city where all of a sudden I was afraid of the dark but then I wanted to go out of the city (with it's lights) into the wilderness.  To go into the country because I was  more used to that than the city. Wow! 
   And I thought, yup, it's just like that. Why would I leave where Jesus has brought me except in fear of the unknown ... to go to what I understand and know ... not where it is better or safer or even more comfortable but just to what I know and understand and well... that which is my bubble really. And writing this out and after that revelation I was so relieved that I stayed in the city with You instead of leaving. So very glad. But how did You keep me in the city. I was so clueless as to why we were there.  Huh. 

exploring the city

    ...So are we still in the city with Rachael? 
 
   I think this is a day to explore!!!! Let's walk down the streets ... Rachael is on Your shoulders laughing and holding a balloon. We walk down the street that was on our left going back into the heart of the city. The light of the day is new and fresh... the sun rising and ever gaining it's strength. It is the light that often washes things of the ordinary with gold. There are now trees planted along the sidewalks they are tall and thin, a regal kind of beauty.  I can't think of what kind of tree it is but we are coming up to the center of the city.... it is breath taking! 
   I see a pool and fountain that is in the center, surrounded by blocks of grass and trees ... at first they are shade trees but when it gets closer to the pool there are stickpin trees that give importance and grandeur.  Steps lead up to the pool but the pool is not right away there is yet more land surrounding it.  Patterned brick work leads to the center pool.  The grass sections here are such a brilliant green and are calling, no begging, to be run on. There are four gazebo type structures around the pool that are made of huge timbers and delicate fabric hanging with vines climbing ever upwards giving scents and shade. 
   It is here that we stand, all of us hand in hand, just looking and taking it all in. We are washed with a reverence... a love and awe of You... Oh Father be praised and loved by us... Oh Holy Spirit thank You for leading us and doing battle for us... Oh Jesus I cannot tell You just how much I love and appreciate all You have done and continue to do, blessing us with Your love and mercy. Everything is way beyond what we deserve (which is nothing) You are a God of example.  We now go laughing and running into the pool, splashing each other while we run and swim. All of us are in a state of such happiness and joy, peace and delight. How cool. 
   We are now laying on our backs with our heads together looking up into the sky watching the clouds and feeling the deep heat of the sun as it dries us. 

   Well my time is up my family awakens and the day is into full swing. I will continue to thank You for this time, for this experience. Thank You. I love You with all I am. I give You myself completely again for this day. I love You so deeply and I want to love You even more please help me get there. 

Rachael comes into the city

   So we left yesterday still sitting on the curb and You told me that I would bring people into this city. Do we do this now? 
You know you want to bring Rachael in so don't leave her waiting. 
Okay. 
   I see her coming in from the road that leads out and she is with us. We are all very excited about being together.  She is up in Your arms right away laughing and squealing with delight. I cannot wipe the grin off of my face. She's the only one here so I don't want to leave her anywhere so she stays with us. 
I can't seem to leave our place on this corner, is that alright? 
Yes. 
Okay. I'm going to go for now keep this on my mind so I know what to do. I love You, I love you both...

still on the curb

   Okay I am back now, I didn't think about being on the curb with You very much but when I did I felt like we were still there. I think the pull of going out of the city to be in Your creation with You is there because it is what I know. But there are curious things... what of this city that is empty? Empty of even the real evidence of living. I was wondering at one point if there was dirt and sand underneath me in the gutter to write in but I am not even sure that's there. Well I guess the best way to start this again would be to ask You...
Are we still on the curb?
Yes. 
Why?
To gain focus and perspective before we begin. 
Hmmm. Will You tell me what I am seeing? Who is going to come to this city? Who is going to live here? 
The people you bring. 
How do I bring them? 
Prayer. 
Will people come that I don't recognize? Will some come before I pray for them?
Ask me then. I want to ask you now. Who are you going to bring to this city? 
Rachael. 
Good!  Does that excite you? 
Yes I can feel it in my chest. 
It's a feeling you've come to trust isn't it? 
Yes. What do we do here? 
Spend time together. Pray. Feel things like quiet and peace and whatever I want to bring. 
Hmmm that sounds really good. 

My first time in the City

Dearest Reader... I know there has been a dreadful lull in my posting  as of late but we have now circled back to the beginning.  My introduction to the city of meeting.  I had no inkling of just how significant this place and this way of meeting would become to me and even now it regularly takes me beyond what I can imagine. 
   
Journal excerpt 2008

Hey Jesus do You want to meet? 
Sure. 
Where? 
Let's walk.
Okay. 
   We are walking down a city alley. For whatever reason it is empty and it is evening. The light plays on the bricks and walls putting on colors that belong to the light. It is a desolate place ... there is nothing, not even garbage or objects except for the walls and fire escapes. We continue to walk and come to a street where we turn and walk into the setting sun.  I feel it's last rays of warmth and as I close my eyes I see the color flood under my eyelids. I am holding Your hand. 
   I open my eyes and we sit on the side of the road on a curb. Quiet surrounds us but there is a peace that is so thick I cannot help but feel it. I look at You and You look into my eyes and smile. I want to ask why here, but I cannot for some reason... I guess it's because You chose it and You'll tell me. I lean on Your arm and shoulder as we watch the sky dance with color that is changing before our eyes. All of a sudden I dread the actual setting of the sun.  Where will warmth come from?  Wow what a random thought I'm sorry. It is dark now... all of a sudden. Am I cold? No. There is a warm mugginess to the night. Street lights flicker on all down the streets as we sit here on a corner that offers up a road out of town into the deepening night.  To my right and left are streets that continue on in town... There is a Coca Cola neon sign in the window of a store down there. Hmmm. Where will we go? Are we to stay or leave? We continue to sit.
  ... I am going to take this image with me please help me see more ... I love You Jesus ... I am glad to be with You alone. To be alone with You. Hmmmm.  You are my life, You are all I want and need. I give You myself today my heart, my passion, my limited understanding that hungers for understanding and revelation from You. My all ... it is Yours. I will be satisfied in You.

Prayers for Rachael ~4

 
    I am thinking about Rachael this morning. Jesus should we visit her?
 
   This time she is in an activity room and there is lots happening around her. But when she sees You she smiles so big. There is such delight and recognition in her eyes. You sweep her up in Your arms hugging her close and laugh at her delight in You. How can You not? I want to be part of it so lay my hands on both You and her. 
   You set her down and she takes off running but we are all running and it is on fresh green grass, no thistles or rocks or worries. We run simply for the joy of it until we come upon an ancient tree that towers so high above us.  Lying down on our backs, we look up through the branches. The greens around us are startlingly brilliant. Rachael comes over and sits on You. You give her an airplane ride and she laughs and laughs. Then You tuck her under Your arm and we all take off into the sky. We go high into the clouds and it is fresh, damp and quiet we glide effortlessly through them and come down by a stream. Immediately we roll up our pant legs and soak our feet in the running water. It's so nice to feel the cool water running over them. 
   We then lie back and watch the clouds from here... Seeing shapes that become pictures. You start telling stories,  real ones and we see it take place in the clouds .We are entranced by Your words and voice.  The pictures we see playing out far above our heads hold us equally in rapt attention. We never want You to stop. We sleep. Such a pure rest and are now back in her room...

   We hold hands over Rachael, praying for her. You Jesus, are her protection and delight, You are hope and love.  You are what is good. I love You, I thank You.

2008